Most likely one of the biggest decisions we make in life is the driving question of who we are going to spend it with. Who am I going to marry? Am I going to be alone forever? Is there anyone out there who would really take me as I am? These questions of love are some of the most powerful driving forces in life, especially young life. We want to feel loved and cared for, like someone actually wants to take the time and listen to whatever we have to say. It’s very comforting to think that person exists.

I have begun to study more in depth, however, the biblical picture of marriage, and I have been astounded. Love absolutely includes someone accepting us for who we are and caring to listening, but it is so much more than that, and the marriage roles that God has given us are beautiful. To start, the roles are not at all about gender equality. The Bible is clear that man and woman are equal, but the roles in marriage, from what I have studied thus far, are of brilliant design, and they are beautiful.

I must say that I am by no means an expert, nor do I claim to be. I have very simply begun to look at biblical texts about marriage and study them in more depth, and I feel that I am just beginning to scratch the surface.

Please, if anyone reading this finds a problem or mistake with my interpretations of Scripture, let me know. My goal is always to follow the Bible, and am trying my best to interpret it the way it’s meant to be.

So far in my studies, I have been amazed at how marriage is designed to function, and how much of a picture and symbol it is of Christ and His church (us). I have been privileged with parents who have shown me this biblical picture, but reading it for myself has been life-changing.

Ephesians 5:22-24 is one of the most influential, as well as controversial, verses about marriage. Paul says to the Ephesians,

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

This passage is not saying that men are better than women. It is in fact saying the exact opposite. By telling the Ephesians to live like this, Paul is telling them to live completely anti-culture. The Romans were obviously known for power, but that unfortunately included marital overpowering as well. The cultural norm for them was for wives to simply obey their husbands no matter what and for husbands to overpower their wives, taking complete advantage of their status as men. Paul is telling the Ephesians, however, to be completely different. He is telling wives to submit to their husband’s leadership, not to just blindly obey their unreasonable commands, and he is telling husbands that their responsibility as men is to lead their wives in ways worthy of leading. He tells them in verse 25 to love their wives

“…as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…”

When we begin to unpack this command, we are forced to think about how Jesus did love the church. He loved people to the point of death. We can be sure that Jesus loves us always. He knows exactly what we need and He gives us what is best for us, always. He tells us to follow Him because He knows that our life can be found nowhere but in Him. He gives us commands because He knows that living any other way than according to His Word is simply not what is best for us. We can trust that He knows what is best for us even when it doesn’t seem like it. He is steadfast and His love is patient and strong.

That is how our savior loves us, and that is how men are called to love their wives. We are not called to take advantage of our power and tell them what to do.

Truly loving and leading wives means knowing everything about them, as Jesus does us, serving them, as Jesus does us, and leading them to where they need to go, just as Jesus leads us even when we have no idea where to go or where we will end up.

Marriage is not a light-hearted task. It is responsibility, but it is absolutely beautiful. Love is about selflessness, doing “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count[ing] others more significant than [our]selves” (Phil. 2:3).

To me, this is wonderful. Studying this in the Word has been mind-opening, and I have so much left to learn. Marriage is such a beautiful picture of Christ and the church and it is an amazing way to experience the glory of God, and to glorify God, while we are on this temporary earth.

To anyone who actually read this whole article, I first want to thank you, and then challenge you to study and find answers as well.

And please, as I have stated, if any of this is inaccurate (or if anyone would just like to talk about it) please please let me know!