Hi! I'm Caroline, and once upon a time, I wasn't very good at being a Christian.

I wasn't bad at it - I even did most of the things usually associated with being a good person. I was nice, pleasant, generous, and compassionate, and I tried to pay it forward. I even went to church (sometimes). As far as I know, on the surface, I looked like a good Christian. But I knew, and God knew, that I wasn't really doing my bit. I was just going through the motions. I didn't pray, I didn't give myself to God, and I lived my life with the assumption that I didn't need God in my life to be fulfilled, and for a while, that worked - for a long time. Years, even. But after a while, I began to feel a tugging at my heart, and it took me a while to realize it was God, pulling me back to Him.

I felt my first nudge from God during the second semester of my freshman year. A coworker at my new job connected me to a girl who boarded her horse nearby, as I was looking to board myself - and before I visited the barn, she asked me to go to church with her. The experience of a contemporary, southern Baptist church was pretty unfamiliar to me - I'm Catholic, so I'm used to an austere, reverent, quiet Mass. What surprised me most, though, was that the invitation to church was closely followed by an invitation to attend a small group bible study meeting. It was one of those invitations I usually refuse - we introverts are pretty set in our ways - but at that time, I was feeling pretty down on myself, because I hadn't made quite as many friends my freshman year as I had hoped - so I accepted, hoping that at least I might be able to make a few new friends, and that simple "yes" changed my life.

Oddly enough, going to small group each week didn't begin as a "God-seeking" venture. In truth, I went into it with little hope that I would be turned back towards God, as I had long since accepted that faith wasn't going to be a part of my life - but God had other plans. Slowly but surely, He turned me back to Him, and he did it gently - He knew, I am sure, that at first, I was pretty resistant to His call. But as the weeks went by, and I progressed further, the pull became stronger, and I finally recognized the feeling for what it was - I was being called back home.

That summer, I faced the prospect of joining a new small group at the start of the next semester, and this time, I had no trepidation. When I went to the first meeting of my new small group, I knew I had made the right choice - never in my life have I felt so loved, encouraged, and guided along my path to God. We shared our stories, learned more about God's word, and gave each other advice on how to better seek Him. We've learned more about ourselves and about the Lord over coffee and the expertly-prepared cookies, made by our small group lead. These girls knew me, they listened to me - and they joined me on my journey, as they, too, yearned to be closer to God, as I did. I finally felt, for the first time in my life, that I was among people God had chosen just for me, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Since that time, I have continued to improve myself. I go to church, and this time, I really pay attention. I read the Bible independently, and I constantly seek God's word. In recent months, I have learned more about myself, my identity, my faith, and my future. I have learned that there will be people in my life who will walk with me, those who will cheer me on - and those who won't. Most importantly, though, I have realized that, yes, I was good before. But with Him, I am great.