Card Against Humanity is the ideal card game to play in college, especially after a few round of drinks. It’s vulgar, it’s hilarious, and it brings out people’s deepest, darkest sense humor. Although this game can end up bringing you and your friends even closer, it could also shed some light as to who your so-called friends really are. That’s the only real problem with the game: sometimes you end up regretting your choice of players. When it comes to picking a group for the game there are two types: the greatest people you will ever meet… and the worst, a.k.a. your family members. So to help you avoid any awkward situations here’s a list of the best and worst types of people to play this risky card game with.
The Best:
First and foremost, your best friend. You probably already know all their dirty, little secrets and they likely know all of yours too. There is going to be a lot of opportunities for you to pull inside jokes with your cards and you’ll have an unspoken rule to always choose each other’s to help one of you win. The best kind of CAH game always ends up with story time but since you already know each other’s whole lives, it’ll end up as a hysterical trip down memory lane. When your best friend draws the “What ended my last relationship?” card, you answer with the “Harry Potter erotica” card and after you give them the look, they’ll know exactly which inside joke you’re referencing.
The next person to include in your game is the secret porno junkie. CAH is notorious for including infamous porn tricks in their deck, but unless you know what these tricks are the cards are useless. Always invite a friend who will be able to tell you exactly what your card means and when you should use it. When this person sets down the “What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?” you’d win by using the “Pixelated bukkake” card. Or the “Golden showers” card. Or the “Making the penises kiss” card.
Lastly, include a stoner. Make sure they light up before the game and come prepared with food to keep them interested. Although they too would be able to help define any pot-related cards that you don’t understand, they’re most valuable for serious laughs. Rely on this person to put down the most ridiculous cards that make absolutely no sense and watch them laugh at it for 20 minutes by themselves. Them thinking that they’re a comedic genius will bring you tears of laughter throughout the whole game. When they select the “TSA guidelines now prohibit __________ on airplanes”, reply with the “Firing a rifle while you’re balls deep into a squealing hog.” They might not fully get it, but it’s random enough for them to laugh at it for hours.
The Worst:
There is only one type of person that isn’t suitable for your ideal CAH group. And that person is anyone from your family. Seriously. Sisters, brothers, dads, moms, or God forbid grandparents are the worst people to play this game with. I don’t care how close you are to any of them; you can’t truly put down the best cards when the people you’re surrounded by have seen you in diapers and watched you grow up. Half the fun of CAH is the #nojudgment rule, yet once parents are involved you have to be careful and tame when selecting your choices so that they don’t judge you…or force you into therapy. There’s no coming back from putting down “Grandpa’s ashes” when your grandmother selected “When all else fails, I can always masturbate to ___________.”
(Examples based on real cards, FYI.)
