We all have that vision of the perfect roommate condition where you pass around bags of chips and laugh until 2 a.m. over Netflix. Unfortunately, that level of friendliness with a roommate can be hard to achieve. I believe there are five key steps to getting there, though I admit they're much easier said than done.
1. Be respectful.
Example: It's your roommate's turn to take out the trash, but they let it pile up all week. Instead of passive-aggressively asking them how long they intend on waiting it out, get accustomed to the word "please" and a gentle, more understanding tone.
Example: Ask your roommate before borrowing something that's theirs.
Example: Don't tell everyone that really embarrassing thing that your roommate does. Basically, just don't gossip about your roommate. It'll be very awkward when they find out (and yes, they always do).
Example: Ask to see your roommate's schedule so that you know when your alone time is. Offer to share your schedule as well.
Example: Be flexible with the room arrangement. If your roommate really wants to put the desks in front of the window but you don't care that much, don't make a big deal out of it just because you'd rather put them by the wall.
2. Be thoughtful.
Example: You're brushing your teeth when your roommate rips away the sheets and yells that they're late for class. Instead of giving them a judgmental that's-what-you-get-for-coming-in-at-5 a.m. look, offer to let them use the sink before you.
Example: You're watching Netflix when your roommate comes in and starts doing homework. Offer to use headphones before they even get a chance to ask you.
Example: Your roommate is done with homework, but you're not. When they get into bed, turn off all the lights except for your lamp.
Example: You like to listen to energetic music in the morning, but your roommate doesn't have class until much later. Instead of blasting music so that they can't sleep, use headphones.
Example: You're sick and you know your roommate has really bad immunity. Cover your mouth when you sneeze. Frequently clean hard surfaces with disinfectant.
3. Be caring.
Example: After a long and rough night, your roommate follows you into the dorm and collapses in bed. You could let them wake up the next day feeling awful, or you could fill up their water bottle, put it on their nightstand, and make sure their alarm clock is set.
Example: You come from class one afternoon and find your roommate curled in bed all puffy-eyed. Instead of pretending you didn't notice something's wrong (because maybe you have an exam tomorrow and don't have time for drama), ask them what happened and spend a few minutes comforting them.
Example: Your roommate is bedridden with sickness. Before they can even ask, bring them crackers from the cafeteria, make them some tea, offer some of your Vitamin C or chicken noodle soup. Ask them if they need anything from the convenience store.
Example: Your roommate just got off the phone with their parents, and they're raging. Take a few minutes to look up from your computer screen and ask them what happened. Let them vent. (Who knows? Maybe otherwise they'll take it out on you.)
Example: Your roommate just lost their debit card, and they're freaking out. Offer to buy them a burrito at Chipotle or let them tag along in your Uber until they get a new card.
4. Be friendly.
Example: Your roommate is filling out an internship application. Show a genuine interest in their life, passions, aspirations. Ask them what they're applying for, why they're doing it...
Example: You're watching a hilarious YouTube video, and your roommate is also hanging out in the room. Ask them to watch the whole thing with you.
Example: Make your roommate laugh. It's kind of hard to be friendly if all you do is sulk around the room.
Example: A few of your hallmates are making a barbecue outside. Ask your roommate if they want to join you.
Example: It's 11 p.m. and you're suddenly craving Thai food. Before placing your order, ask your roommate if they want to buy something as well.
5. Be a friend.
(Note: Being a friend is not the same thing as being friendly. Maybe you're friendly with your neighbor Aunt Gemma, but that doesn't mean you're friends with her, does it?)
Example: Eat together at least once every two days. Ordering food together counts, too.
Example: Go to parties together and make a pact not to leave each other by the end of the night.
Example: Match outfits once a month.
Example: Introduce each other to your other friends and make them feel like a part of the group. Add them to group chats, invite them to group dinners, etc.
Example: Your roommate is watching Netflix and you don't have a lot of work. Ask them to put it on speaker and watch a few episodes with you.
If you've done all these things and your roommate still doesn't appreciate you, I'm sorry for your living situation. At least soon you can move out?
