I can never imagine a day where you would not be here. A day where I couldn't hear your voice or share laughs together. It's a day I never want to see.
To all my friends who struggle with this feeling of emptiness and loneliness, you're not alone because you have me.
Although I personally do not suffer from a mental illness, many people who are very close to me, do. I remember when I first found out my BEST of best friends had depression. It was the summer before we both moved away to separate colleges. She was very distant from me for a while and I had no clue why. She never told me that there was anything wrong. Nothing seemed wrong, but I was wrong. I was left blindsided for a while, until the day she confessed that she wanted to take her own life. There I was with tears streaming down my cheeks and my heart heavier than ever. I couldn't believe my best friend had felt that way and I had no idea. I was at a loss for words. Naturally and immediately all I could do is hug her as tight as possible and tell her how extremely loved she is. How beautiful she is, how things will get better and I couldn't survive without her. She began to tell me that the only reason she didn't, was because of me. I saved her.
From that moment on I vowed to myself that I would never be left out the loop on how she was feeling. About how any of my friends were feeling. I can't let their mental illness eat every part of them, so I educated myself on it. Whenever one of my friends is feeling down I make it a point to never leave them by themselves. I'm constantly inviting them to go places with me even if it's a 5-minute walk to the store. Usually, when people are depressed they tend to try and push people away, but if you know me, you' ll know that I'm not too easy to push away.
Another heart-wrenching experience I had with one of my best friends was very recent. We had just met each other a few months ago but I already feel as if she is my sister. We had just got done shopping and once we were finished she went back into her room and I went back into mine. Everything was all good! Right? Wrong. Next thing I know there is a knock on the door from the RA. She asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital because my best friend was having a rough night and she had requested for me to be there for her.
We were just together!
What could have happened in that short amount of time?
Is she ok?
All those thoughts raced through my head as I packed a hospital bag and ran to her down the hall. And there she was wrapped in a blanket with puffy eyes from crying. We were rushed to the hospital by an ambulance. When we got there they placed us in this empty room and a doctor came in and started talking to her. The more my best friend started talking to the doctor, the more and more I felt blindsided. Again, I had no clue that she was feeling like this. We were just together a few hours ago... After further evaluation by the doctors they suggested to send her to a different hospital... A hospital that specializes in mental health. When the doctor came in and told me that my friend had to be moved miles and miles away and I wouldn't be able to see her the way I wanted to, I freaked out. Went and cried to my mom because the one person I had up here in Saginaw, wanted to no longer be here anymore.
So to my best friends who struggle with a mental illness,
With me, you'll always have someone to talk to and laugh with, and someone who'll show you, constant love. Because you deserve it. Please don't ever leave me blindsided. I'll always be there. I'll always care. I'll never stop.
Heres to happiness. Happiness that lasts a whole lifetime.
