Recently, there has been much talk about what is “best for the kids”. Transgender individuals having separate bathrooms is “best for the kids”. Only having straight parents is “best for the kids”. Abortion being outlawed, even for parents who cannot give proper love to a child, is “best for the kids”. However, as a “kid” myself, I believe that there is something even better than what is believed to be “best for the kids”, and that is self-love.
Teaching self-love and positive self-esteem means encouraging kids from a young age to be proud of the person that they are and to embrace it, no matter how unorthodox or “different” that that may be. It means celebrating a unique personality, not putting it down by calling it “weird” or dropping subtle hints that they will need to change or they will never have friends. One of my best friends in the entire world – now sixteen – prides himself on being different, on having unusual hobbies and on knowing things that no one else knows. Because of this, I have the most interesting conversations of my life with him; he is continuing to help me find myself and to be proud of my own quirks.
Encouraging positivity and self-love means reminding your child that they are still brilliant individuals, even when they fail a test. They are still beautiful after they get braces and are too self-conscious about their metal mouth to smile. They are still a winner, even if they place fourth and do not get a metal of recognition. Teaching self-esteem and self-love means reminding your children, siblings, friends or anyone else in your life that they are still just as great of a person after they fail as they are when they succeed. Even if you do not believe in transgender rights or gay rights, love everyone anyway, no matter how they identify. Do not tell them to change who they are, how they look, who they want to be or what they are interested in because it is different from what you would choose if you were them. Encourage their unique personality; most of the world is the same, and it is a gift to be different.
Teaching someone that they are worth something does not mean that everyone has to receive a participation award or that nothing can be merit-based anymore. It does not mean that the ones who excel in one subject should share their excellence with everyone, and it definitely does not mean that everything must default “to the lowest common denominator”. It does not mean that we need total equality to the point that there is no reward for those who perform the best. However, it does mean making sure everyone, especially the children, understand that not everyone is good at everything. “It is okay that you’re bad at math; remember how good you are at art?” or “I understand that you’re heartbroken that you didn’t win the soccer game, but don’t forget that you made all-state orchestra!” are two examples of ways to remind your kids that, truly, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Celebrate this! How little humanity would accomplish if everyone was STEM-minded or good at cooking.
If our goals in life were truly aimed at creating a positive world for our children, we would focus on teaching them to be proud of each other and to allowing themselves to shine, since by limiting the ability of some groups to contribute, we are potentially limiting our children. Maybe then we should stop hiding our own political agenda behind a veil of concern “for the children” because, if we were genuinely worried about the children, we would encourage their creativity, uniqueness, personality and differences instead of trying to limit minorities. We would cheer for our children, no matter who they were, and we would believe in them, no matter which area they are most gifted in. If we are going to claim love for our children, we must truly love our children, whoever they may be. Take pride in the fact that their existence is beautiful, and aid them on their path to success, no matter how bizarre or uncommon. They will accomplish only if they are confident and love themselves.
