Hanukkah only comes once a year. Ben Stiller is one in a million. You do the math.
It's scientifically proven that having Ben Stiller at your Hanukkah celebration is as good as it gets. But Ben Stiller is very busy. This we know. And he's not going to spend his limited Hanukkah hours just anywhere. Do you have the guts, courage, and cunning to get B. Still to your menorah party? Take this quiz to find out.
Through some grace of the Jewish God you get ahold of Ben Stiller's email address. Lucky you. What do you send him?
A. "Mr. Stiller, I know you are very busy, but I'd be honored if you would join my family and me for a night of fun and faith."
B. "Benny boy, We lightin' candles. U want in?"
C. "Ben Stiller, I loved you in 'I Love You, Man.'"
Ben says that he would love to come, but doesn't think he can make it work with his schedule. He's very busy. What do you do?
A. Assure him that, from latkes to lighting, your celebration will be over and done within two hours, so he will have ample time afterward to get some work done.
B. Ask him why "Zoolander 2" was so meh if he's "working so hard."
C. Cry. And then cheer yourself up by watching your favorite Ben Stiller movie, "I Love You, Man."
Ben requests that gluten-free matzo ball soup is made so he can enjoy some traditional Jewish cuisine but also keep his figure. What do you do?
A. You and your cousin Zach immediately run out and buy a special gluten-free matzo meal. You really understand just how busy Ben Stiller is (very) and know that he has virtually no free time to cram in an extra gym sesh.
B. You tell him that if you wanted to be his personal whipping boy you'd change your name to Owen Wilson.
C. You are confused because you distinctly recall him eating a myriad of glutenous foods when he starred as Peter Klaven in "I Love You, Man."
It's the big day. Ben's flight gets in at 4 p.m. What's your plan?
A. Get to the airport at 3:45 p.m. to ensure that the second he gets off the plane, you can get going. You don't have time to waste. He is very busy.
B. Oh, Mr. Now I'm A Director Man can't figure out how to call a Lyft?
C. You forgot to make a plan. You were too busy slappin' da bass, mon.
Ben is stuck at the airport because hundreds of fans hounded him the second he got off of the plane. Not only is it annoying, but he doesn't have time for this. He's very busy. What do you do?
A. You put your headphones in, begin playing "Madagascar" on your iPhone to get PUMPED and fight through those motherFockers to get busy Ben to safety.
B. Think, "What are they even excited about? 'Greenberg??'"
C. Call his very tall "I Love You, Man" co-star, Jason Segal, to pull Ben out of the crowd.
Results:
If you answered mostly A: You have what it takes! You have the skills, bravery and sheer determination to get Ben Stiller to your Hanukkah dinner no matter how busy he is, which is very.
If you answered mostly B: It's likely that you don't have what it takes to get very busy Ben Stiller to your house for Hanukkah. But it also seems like you don't want him to and have some unsettled beef with him?
If you answered mostly C: It's unclear whether or not you have what it takes, but it is clear that you think Ben Stiller is Paul Rudd. It's also clear that you have seen "I Love You, Man" too many times. And you're that guy who's still quoting it. Yikes.
