Everyone appreciates a good work ethic. Bosses look for it, good resumes and letters of references are made from it, personal character and ambitions are built from it. When you love your job and you do well in it, you exceed greatly, you thrive in work and you climb ladders. A good work ethic can prove fruitful for your career, your family, your outlook on life. And they can make you more respected and well known.

Having a good work ethic is a good thing. It’s okay to love your job, it’s okay to thrive in what you love doing. But it’s not okay to be a workaholic. Because then the issue starts when you become so wrapped up in your work that you fail to see anything, or anyone else, in your surroundings.

I love work. I really do. Even if I’m not crazy about the job, I will push myself to do the best I can. Having a good work ethic has gotten me far. Bosses recognize it, I’ve gotten a lot of praise for it. I take pride in my work. And that’s okay. But then, there are times that I become so involved with working and getting my jobs done that when a friend calls to set up a coffee date, I’ve been stretched too thin and I have to say no.

As workaholics, we want to do EVERYTHING! We work after hours to get the job done, we volunteer for all major events, we get involved in ministry work and we have to put our heart and soul into it. And no one else can do it. We can’t settle for anything less. It’s the whole, “If you want something done, do it yourself,” attitude. We need to handle everything ourselves, but then that results in a problem. We shut everyone else out. And that is where the problem comes in. We start by thinking, “No one else can do this job as well as I can.” So we lose our trust in anyone else to get the job done “correctly,” which sometimes mean getting it done the way we want it done.

Another problem comes when we begin putting our work before others. My boyfriend and I have a date night once a week, where we go out to dinner or a movie, and we have a rule that we will not focus on work or school while we’re together. And there have been times when I have called him and said, “I’m sorry, but I really need to get this work done, so can we postpone the date?” What’s the problem here? The problem is I’m now telling him, “Sorry, my work is more important than you.”

Sometimes there are emergencies, real emergencies where work has to be done, or a paper is due the next day in class and you have to finish it. But for workaholics, we have a tendency to think everything is an emergency. That job is the most important thing in our lives right now. But what is really the most important thing in our lives is the people around us, the ones we love, who always have our backs, who are always there. And sometimes we need to slow down just to see that.

So, a big message for workaholics: SLOW DOWN! Work will always be there, assignments will need to be finished, and we should still give work the attention that it is due. But we also need to know when to let go, when to focus on the people around us. Not to feel so stretched thin that when a friend calls to set up a coffee date, we have to say no. We need that friend almost as much as we need the job.

When we’re working that hard, we tend to think we’re doing the world a service. But we’re actually just being self-centered. We do more good when we learn where to let go. To learn how to let another co-worker step in and do some of the work. And also to learn how, at the end of the day, to say, “I’m leaving the work behind me so I can focus on the people in front of me.” That can be your family, your friends, your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, whoever. They deserve some of that attention too, probably more so than your job.

At the end of the day, we need to decide what is more important, where should we put our heart and soul. And yes, work is important, and if you’re good at what you do, and you love what you do, then that is a wonderful thing. You have been really blessed. But you also need to know where the balance is between your work and your loved ones. Because while you may feel you need to work, you also need your loved ones more than work, and you need to know how to trust your co-workers, and have the humility to back down and say, “Okay, you can handle this one.” This will be more fruitful in your character building than all the ladders you could climb doing all the work yourself.