Being without my grandma for the past two years has been a lot of things.


It's not being able to call her to tell her about my day at college.

It's not being able to tell her about the guy I'm falling for to see if I'll get her approval.

It's not getting a call, singing happy birthday on April 3rd.

It's not being able to show her the new jewelry I just got.

It's not being able to visit my favorite place in the whole wide world because no one lives in that house anymore.

It's not being able to text her so she knows I'm thinking about her.

It's not being able to watch "Family Feud" because she was the only one who would watch it with me.

It's not being able to sit with her and have her rub my back because I had a bad day.

It's not getting yelled at because my clothes are too provocative.

It's not being able to see her smile after being away from her for months.

It's not being able to laugh with her because I did something silly only she would laugh at.

It's not making fun of her hair in the morning because she looks like Heat Miser.

It's not being able to look in the audience and see her on my graduation day as she promised me.


It's like being unable to breathe when I realize I can't call her to tell her about something stupid I just did that I know she'd find funny.

It's like looking through all those text messages and wishing I could get just get one more from her.

It's like staring at the empty seat across from me on holidays and knowing that's where she used to sit and pick the fat off of her ham.

It's like driving through Breezewood and remembering that's how we used to get to Avon.

It's like sitting alone at night and wishing I could call her in the morning so she can tell me everything will be okay.

Grandma, two years without you has gone by so fast. And every day I miss my best friend more than ever. Because every day something happens, and I just wish you could pick up the phone so we could talk. Sometimes I look at the sky and talk to you even though I look like a lunatic, but the people judging don't even know the half of it. They don't know how I helped take care of you for months before you passed. They don't know how you understood me better than anyone else in this life possibly could. They don't understand that you were my number one supporter. And no matter how many times you got on my nerves or annoyed me from asking me if "that's me" in the makeup tutorials I watched that one night with you, I still always remembered how much I love you.

You told mom that you have a special place in your heart for me. I just wish, on top of everything, that we could share one more memory together.

These two years without you have been the hardest two years of my life. But I know you are watching over me and you still have that special place in your heart for me.

I love you always Grammy.