I've Been A Bad Friend And I Am Working On It

I've Been A Bad Friend In The Past, But Never Again

It is absolutely incredible when you recognize your weaknesses and what you are willing to work on because that's always the first step to change.

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I've been doing some reflecting lately. I sat in a coffee shop observing everyone coming and going from the cafe with other people. I mean, there are a few people alone, but at least half of these people passing through are in multiples.

People are chatting, laughing, and socializing their way through the order line. There are people at tables talking and working together on their laptops. People hugging hello and waving goodbye.

This has been something I've observed for a few weeks now. Nothing really registered with me until recently; Why am I always alone?

I can be an introvert, but I'm an extrovert, too. I love my time alone, especially when it comes to doing work, at the gym, or grocery shopping. Although I really enjoy being around people, I just like being alone and in my own headspace most of the time.

But this realization truly hit me. I started to analyze my life, as all of us over-thinkers do. I began to think about how many friendships I've pushed away, arguments I may (or may have not) gotten in, and moments of selfishness I embraced.

I thought about how crappy I am at handling situations where any sort of confrontation is involved. About how stubborn I am when it comes to making decisions. About how closed off I am and how scared I am of being vulnerable.

All of these things and MANY more has led me to the conclusion: I have been a bad friend.

And first, let me start by saying this article is not a pity party. I truly am disappointed by the way I have handled some situations in the past, but realizing your weaknesses is a step in a good direction, right?

Well, in realizing this, I didn't know how to make up for it. I don't think you can. I've been hurt in the past by bad friends, too, and there's nothing you can really do about it. What's in the past, is the past. I am sorry, but I really don't believe "sorry" is going to fix anything.

Actions always speak louder than words, and if you can't go back and fix what's already broken, you might as well use what you've learned to fix your future friendships.

To anyone reading this that I may have hurt in the past or that consider me a "bad friend:" other than the fact that I agree with you, I hope you know that I've realized this.

I can be selfish. I was taking my "me time" a little too far, sometimes canceling our plans just so I can do what's best for me and my mental health. I need to remember to sacrifice for friends sometimes, too.

I don't know how to handle my emotions. Sometimes I wouldn't know how to say "I'm not okay, I need help." In return, I'd lash out and push you even further away. I need to learn to be vulnerable and let you in.

I'd wait for you to reach out, and then get upset when you didn't. We're both busy, but I always felt like I was the only one putting in the effort with the friendship, just because you didn't call me. Well, it turned out to be the opposite.

I would rather be alone most of the time. And lately, I'm realizing how lonely "alone" really is.

So I may have been a crap friend to some in the past, but I'll be working on becoming a great friend now. I have some wonderful people in my life currently, and I'd really rather not disappoint them.

And I'd also like to add that if you're in a toxic friendship or your friend is starting to rub you the wrong way, say something. Tell him/her how you are feeling. Vocalize that. If they care, they'll realize and work on fixing it.

It may not be immediate, but they'll soon understand and work on it. Most times, they really do care, they're just sh*t at showing affection or handling their problems. At least that's one of my biggest problems.

And if you are the bad friend, understand that this does not diminish your worth. You are still human, and we all make mistakes. It's the moments where you realize you need to work on some things, finding those resources, and starting to fix it, that really shows your worth.

I'd end with an apologetic statement, but as I said, actions speak louder than words.

A good friend of mine recently said to me, "It is absolutely incredible when you recognize your weaknesses and what you are willing to work on because that's always the first step to change."

She is absolutely right. I've recognized it and willing to work on it. Being a better friend.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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