One of the worst blind mistakes I've ever made was writing about relationships, specifically mine at the time. I was supposedly in love, so of course, I was completely ignoring the red flags and the emotional abuse.
I was totally blindsided, and again, I was a stupid fool.
It's been about six months since I left a relationship that I thought wasn't toxic. It took me a couple years to realize that something was actually going on, something was actually happening to our bond. I was not treated the way I was in the beginning, and I was slowly becoming less valuable to this person.
The effort became less and less, admittedly on both ends, and the driving to and from was apparently too far. I didn't realize that two hours was a super big distance. But I'm just sipping my tea... by myself.
I was losing my confidence. I second-guessed myself quite a few times, and I was feeling horrible about the intimate parts of our relationship.
Being single all this time actually saved me. I was going through the shit storm that was my senior year of college. I was fighting the major assignments. I was under a lot of stress for teaching.
Managing that, PLUS a relationship, would have literally killed me, especially after the way I was being treated.
Finally, I put an end to it. To the nonsense. To the bullshit. I was not going to stand up to and deal with something, or someone, that made me feel small.
Being single has taught me how to love myself again. I didn't like myself the more I was sinking into that relationship. I was not taking care of myself, and I was generally not happy.
Silly me. If I wasn't happy, why didn't I let go sooner?
I can love myself again. I can be happy without someone breathing down my neck. When I'm ready to date again, I will, but right now, focusing on myself is the most important thing. I'm in a weird place right now between undergrad and grad school. So, keeping the important things in mind is the best choice.
Never again will I be belittled or deliberately put down for someone else. I'm focusing on me. I'm loving myself again.
I wish I could delete those articles. I really do.
