An immediate response to a post like this might be “give me a break”, but don’t be so out of touch with your emotions. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has been single and had those sad thoughts late at night alone in their bedroom – questioning themselves or their future. Some may even experience them more frequently than that.
We’ve all been there.
I also think it’s safe to say that we all have some friends that don’t know how to be single. It’s frustrating to see, and it’s frustrating to experience yourself.
It doesn’t matter to how you came about being single the result is ultimately the same – you feel lonely. You might feel unwanted, confused, hurt, “over it”, or hopeless. Regardless of how you feel, it’s almost always negative, because deep down, we all crave something worth being a part of – eventually.
That being said, how we express ourselves or cope with this time period in our lives differs drastically.
Some will say it’s preferred and they want to spend some time focusing on themselves. This ultimately is the most optimistic and beneficial outlook of the bunch, but the least common…
Some will say that they love being single and being free. They may say that they want to focus on themselves but their actions prove differently. Heartless encounters and one-night stands litter their social lives and distract them from truly focusing on themselves.
Others will publicly express their frustrations and negative emotions that come with being single. Everyone may certainly be able to relate to their feelings, but everyone certainly does not express it in such a way. Unfortunately, from my personal observations, this is the most common of the reactions that people endure while being single.
Disclaimer: Some may experience all three of the above, maybe even all at once. But hey, that’s just life. It can be a messy journey.
Being alone was something that I struggled with myself. But as I reflect, it was something that I needed. I’ve talked about my dependability on others before in one of my other posts (read more), but I never realized how dependent I was on others for happiness and my own self-image until fairly recently. I was so blinded by working on a relationship or missing one, that I never actually worked on myself.
THIS is why learning how to be single is important.
The things you gain from being single can effectively make you a better partner in a future relationship when the time comes. That is IF you handle being single the right way.
As human beings, when we encounter friction in our lives, we undergo a fight or flight response. Either we fight the friction and press forward, or we simply run from it in an attempt to re-obtain what we consider to be comfortable and controllable. I urge you to fight the friction and press on into the confusing and unknown path that lies before you. That’s the path that you NEED to take, or else your ongoing journey through life will be a troubled one. The decisions you make are a direct indicator of the type of person you are and how you cope with the stressors that life throws in your direction.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU LEARN WHILE BEING SINGLE?
- Self-respect
- Self-confidence
- Independence
- Development of your own passions/interests
- Self-esteem
- Self-image
- True friendships
- The ability to make yourself happy – KEY
The list could go on forever, but the loneliness that is associated with being single is a good thing! You are put in a position where you need to rely on yourself to provide everything that comes into your life. Running back to your ex, or running into another relationship of some sort, is not the answer. Distracting yourself from the realities that exist, is not the answer. Staying in a rocky and unstable relationship because, you’re too afraid to face being alone, is not the answer. DO NOT RUN. I understand that your decision to do so might be in attempt to regain control of the situation by providing yourself with “stability”. Essentially accepting and settling for a situation where everything associated with it is already known (even if involves being unhappy). But, from personal experience, let me say that in doing so, you are doing the exact opposite and are bringing yourself even father from the single thing you crave most – happiness.
True control only comes with relying on yourself for happiness and life experiences. Is that easy to come by? Not at all, but if there’s one thing to take away from all of this, it’s that only you can make yourself happy. The rest will fall into place, I promise you.
At the end of the day, the strong will fight on and discover themselves despite the negative emotions they may feel, while the weak will repeat their previously made mistakes and continue to run away and cope with their emotions in illogical ways.
Which one are you?
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