I have always been a people pleaser, and a giver. I consistently do things with others in mind without thinking of myself. Recently, I decided to change some things. I made the conscious decision to be selfish, I was no longer going to allow people to walk all over me. What I learned from this endeavor is how being selfish is an act of self-care.
My first major change was learning how to say no. I needed to stop trying to do everything for everyone else. I had to stop doing things that I wasn’t passionate about, that weren’t necessary, or things that didn’t benefit me. I know how that sounds, but let me elaborate; there are times when someone asks for a favor when it’s beneficial for you: If your best friend is sick and needs cold medicine, it would benefit you to take it to them because the sooner they get better the sooner you guys can have fun. If you have a friend is constantly asking you to pick stuff up from the store, or who wants you to buy them food without ever repaying the favor then it’s taking more out of you than it is worth. Saying no is an important lesson to learn, and it’s hard to do but I promise it will save you time and money.
My next challenge was learning that it is okay to cut people out of your life. I believe that some people are only supposed to be in our lives for a limited amount of time. There are some people who come into your life to teach you a lesson, and once you’ve learned it you’ve got to let go of them. And sometimes there are people in your life who just aren’t good for you. Not everyone is meant to be in your life and that’s okay! It took me a long time to learn that all relationships are essentially the same, whether they’re platonic or romantic, the only real difference is how you express intimacy. If you wouldn’t let a partner treat you poorly than why would you ever allow a friend to do the same. Learn to walk away from people who aren’t meant to be in your life anymore.
I’ve had a hard time learning to invest in myself. I like spending time with my friends and I like taking them out or buying things for them, but sometimes you deserve to treat yourself. Once your bills are paid, invest in a bath bomb, a candle, a good book and take a night to enjoy yourself. You work hard, in school or at your job or even just taking care of the house, you deserve some time to yourself.
It's okay to take a break. Sometimes, that is the hardest advice, but occasionally you need to lose your phone for a day or two. Don’t respond to emails or texts, stay off social media, lean back, relax, and enjoy a little bit of peace and quiet. Catch up on your laundry, read a good book, watch your favorite show. Everyone will be there tomorrow and if there’s an emergency, prepare a backup plan. It’ll take some time to turn your phone off for a day but it’s worth it and you’ll find peace.
Finally, and most importantly, you have to put yourself first. It’s important to remember that everyone is just trying to do their best, and take care of themselves. Most people are going to put themselves ahead of you at some point, and that’s okay, but it’s important for you to learn to do the same thing. You have to take care of yourself because if you don’t, no one else is going to. It’s perfectly reasonable to make your decisions with your best interest at mind, and anyone who thinks otherwise probably doesn’t need to be in your life.
As humans, we are selfish, everyone is, and that’s okay. If we all learn to care for ourselves and practice this radical idea of self-love ahead of anything else, then we can truly appreciate and love those around us.
