I've always been the type of person to look ahead. I'd think ahead to events that would inevitably one day come and use them as motivation to get through whatever I was doing now. "If I just do this, I'll be one step closer to being here"--a popular sentiment that many people use in their day-to-day lives. We often think focusing on an end goal is the best way to go about our lives.
On the other hand, I've also been the type of person to think about the past. Both good and bad. Looking back at memories that seemed nearly perfect and reliving them again and again. Wondering what I could've done or what I could do now to bring those times back. Questioning: "Why did I do that?" "Why hadn't I said this instead?"
Stuck in a cycle of looking back and ahead, but never being present in where I was. What was I missing out on in the time I spent looking back or forward while failing to look around?
I reread one of my favorite books this year for an American literature course--The Great Gatsby. I'd read the book in high school and seen both the old and new film. It was a story I'd always enjoyed and Fitzgerald's writing was pure music to me. But I'd never taken the time back then to relate myself to the characters and their fascinations with the past and recreating it until I read the story again and then wrote a final paper on it.
After analyzing quote after quote and thinking about the idea of the past ruling someone's ideas and actions, I began to look at myself. I didn't want to be the type of person who was so focused on the past and looking so far into the future, that I was unable to live in the present.
So for this year, my one and only resolution is to be present. It's a difficult task for anyone and I'm sure it's not possible to do at all times. But I want to focus on, well, focusing. When I'm in a class, I want to be there. I want to take in what's being said and learn from it. When I'm eating, I want to taste what I'm eating. When I'm walking down the street, I want to take in the scenery around me--the people, buildings, cars, etc. When I'm speaking to someone, I want to focus on what they're saying instead of what my response will be or what I just sounded like when I spoke. I want to be present in the moment and take it in before it passes.
Time is something we often take for granted and I want to try to be present for as much of it as I can.
