Being Picky On Tinder

Being Picky On Tinder

Yes, I'm on Tinder. Sorry, mom.

Confession: I’ve swiped to the end of Tinder. In a college town. With thousands of people my age. Multiple times.

You might say I’m picky. To give you an idea of how picky, a few weeks ago, I was joking around with my roommates about it and I wrote a list of my Tinder turnoffs and deal breakers. The grand total? 40.

You read that right. 40 things about a guy on Tinder that will make me swipe left. And those are just things I’ve come across. I’m sure there are more that I just haven’t realized yet. That said, if I like you, you’re probably pretty awesome.

Granted, not every single one of these items was 100 percent serious. I won’t actually refuse to be with someone I really like just because he doesn’t like cats (not liking Disney or the Yankees, though, is another story).

I’ve theorized since joining Tinder about why I’m so picky. Maybe it’s because I’ve been single long enough to know what I’m looking for. Maybe it’s because I’m non-committal. Maybe it’s because I’m just a good enough judge of character to see through six pictures of a guy with his car.

Some people have said I’m wasting my time, and sometimes I think they’re right. I know it’s not realistic to expect a relationship out of Tinder, and I’m not a fan of random hookups. I’m also a hopeless romantic, so the idea of digital dating isn’t exactly my cup of tea. All of this begs the question, is this even worth my time?

The answer? I have no idea. But what I do know is that there are things I’ve learned from Tinder that have nothing to do with relationships. Maybe I’m defeating the purpose of the whole idea, but there are perks to being as picky as I am, even if they have nothing to do with finding a guy.

Tinder has given me the confidence to talk to new people. Despite what many of my friends think, I’m painfully shy and have a very hard time meeting people. I’ve always tended to gravitate toward people I’ve known for a long time, which made Tinder super intimidating in the beginning. After having conversations with a few matches, though, I felt more comfortable recognizing that they’re just people, and we’re just talking.

It’s taught me to value people over attention. There have been times when my profile has been super-liked, and my first instinct has been to swipe right, because how often does that happen? In many ways, though, that wouldn’t be fair to the other person. If I like them, sure, I’ll swipe right. But what if we have nothing in common? What if we live completely different lives and have completely different values? Doesn’t he deserve the respect of not having his time wasted? Doesn’t he deserve the dignity of being liked for who he is, not for the attention he gives?

More importantly, being on a platform where people are actively seeking romantic connections has forced me to examine what my standards are and what I really need in a partner. In a way, Tinder has played a vital role in my journey of learning how to be single. It’s helped me to recognize what I have to offer in a relationship, and to be selective with the people I give it to. It’s OK to say no to someone. It’s OK not to give that attention to someone just because they like you.

I’ve also avoided connecting with people who I know will not help me to be the best person I can be. I’ve had nothing but positive conversations with people I’ve met, and have managed thus far to bypass the people who give Tinder a bad name.

Now, none of this is to say that all the people I swipe left for aren’t good enough. It is also not to say that using Tinder for casual meet-ups and not caring whether you have anything in common is a bad thing. Everyone is on Tinder for a different reason, and that’s perfectly OK.

I may not have found love on Tinder, but I have had nothing but positive experiences with the people I’ve talked to. Settling for less than you know you need has never done anyone any good. Maybe I’m being shallow; maybe it shouldn’t matter if a guy uses the wrong form of “there” in his bio (okay, that one’s actually non-negotiable for me, sorry).

I have a guy friend who has says that girls shouldn’t complain about being single or not being able to find a guy to hook up with. As long as they’re willing to lower their standards, offers will come pouring in. Maybe that’s true. Maybe if I was willing to sacrifice some of my expectations, being on Tinder would be much more fruitful. The fact remains, though, I’ve gotten more out of Tinder by being picky than by lowering my standards for the sake of validation.

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10 Things Someone Who Grew Up In A Private School Knows

The 10 things that every private school-goer knows all too well.


1. Uniforms

Plaid. The one thing that every private school-goer knows all too well. It was made into jumpers, skirts, shorts, scouts, hair ties, basically anything you could imagine, the school plaid was made into. You had many different options on what to wear on a normal day, but you always dreaded dress uniform day because of skirts and ballet flats. But it made waking up late for school a whole lot easier.

2. New people were a big deal

New people weren't a big thing. Maybe one or two a year to a grade, but after freshman year no one new really showed up, making the new kid a big deal.

3. You've been to school with most of your class since Kindergarten

Most of your graduating class has been together since Kindergarten, maybe even preschool, if your school has it. They've become part of your family, and you can honestly say you've grown up with your best friends.

4. You've had the same teachers over and over

Having the same teacher two or three years in a row isn't a real surprise. They know what you are capable of and push you to do your best.

5. Everyone knows everybody. Especially everyone's business.

Your graduating class doesn't exceed 150. You know everyone in your grade and most likely everyone in the high school. Because of this, gossip spreads like wildfire. So everyone knows what's going on 10 minutes after it happens.

6. Your hair color was a big deal

If it's not a natural hair color, then forget about it. No dyeing your hair hot pink or blue or you could expect a phone call to your parents saying you have to get rid of it ASAP.

7. Your school isn't like "Gossip Girl"

There is no eating off campus for lunch or casually using your cell phone in class. Teachers are more strict and you can't skip class or just walk right off of campus.

8. Sports are a big deal

Your school is the best of the best at most sports. The teams normally go to the state championships. The rest of the school that doesn't play sports attends the games to cheer on the teams.

9. Boys had to be clean-shaven, and hair had to be cut

If you came to school and your hair was not cut or your beard was not shaved, you were written up and made to go in the bathroom and shave or have the head of discipline cut your hair. Basically, if you know you're getting written up for hair, it's best just to check out and go get a hair cut.

10. Free dress days were like a fashion show

Wearing a school uniform every day can really drive you mad. That free dress day once a month is what you lived for. It was basically a fashion show for everyone, except for those upperclassmen who were over everything and just wore sweat pants.

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To The Boy Who Made Me Love Again

Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love myself.


To the boy who made me love again:

From the very beginning of our relationship, you showed me you were different. You showed me how I should be treated.

After dating someone for three years, falling in love was the last thing I wanted to do again. I did not want to grow close to anyone and fall in love with every little aspect of someone, but with you, it was so much different. You were different from other guys I had talked to. You have done small things for me that make me so happy. From offering to order me pizzas while I'm working to ordering me a key chain that says "drive safe," it's the little things you've done to make me love you.

During my previous relationship, I had come to a custom of pulling out my card to pay for dates and thought it was okay to accept the fact that good morning text did not exist. Every morning since we started dating, you never forget to text me good morning. We almost fight over who is going to pay, because I can't expect you to pay for every date. You have shown me what to expect in a relationship.

You never fail to make me happy. Whenever I say I'm hungry, you get me Mexican. When I want to watch Netflix, you immediately put on The Office. I can mention one thing I want and you buy it because you know it will make me happy. You give me forehead kisses and it puts a smile on my face. Whenever I am upset, you won't get off the phone until you figure out what is wrong and make sure everything is okay.

You make me feel beautiful. I can come over in leggings and socks and Birkenstocks or I can come over in a nice shirt and booties, but either way, you tell me I'm beautiful. Whenever I just wake up and look a hot mess, you look me in my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful.

You always tell me to be careful whenever I'm driving and you make sure to tell me you love me every night before you go to bed. You remind me of things I know I'll forget and you literally read my mind. You motivate me with my schooling and tell me how proud you are of me when I make a good grade.

I never wanted to date again and I especially did not want to fall in love; however, you are everything I dreamed of wanting. I am so blessed to have met you and fallen in love with you. So to the boy who made me want to love again, I love you and thank you for everything.

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