If you're a nursing major, you relate to the following 19 things all too well. Between your clinical encounters and constant studying, you can't help but wonder if anyone else outside of your major understands the daily struggles you face in nursing school. And even though being the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, Inc. isn't the same as being a nursing major, Michael Scott does a pretty accurate job of describing what it's like.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.
From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.
I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.
My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.
I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.
I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.
It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.
When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.
Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.
The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.
You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.
These feelings come in waves.
It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.
And then it just stops.
But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.
I always wondered if I was the only one like this.
It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.
To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.
I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.
My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.
Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255
As seen in 2016, President Trump surprised the nation by pulling off his win with major thanks to the voters of rural, middle America. So, while it may be early on, the Democrats have similarly made it clear they're going to spotlight rural community issues in the 2020 presidential election to secure the White House. Considering that nearly one out of every five Americans lives in rural communities, this seems like a strong plan of action.
While many of the candidates, including Amy Klobuchar and Beto O'Rourke, have vowed to increase rural hospital access, stimulate rural economies, and target the opioid crisis, Governor John Hickenlooper is now the first to have released his exact solution. Although Hickenlooper's campaign has yet to pick up traction, as seen in early polling, this plan is sure to stir up support for him in Midwestern rural areas. He has promised to "be a champion for our rural communities" promoting small businesses, expanding access to broadband, education and health care and investing in renewable energy, while also fighting the ever-growing opioid crisis with a mix of federal funds and legislation.
Hickenlooper has released this plan so early because his experience as two-term Colorado governor has prepared him to tackle these issues with confidence on the federal level. As governor, he brought the state of Colorado up from 40th in job growth to the number one economy in the country. Some more of his said experience includes expanding broadband internet access from a small minority of areas to all 64 of Colorado's rural communities. He has also said that more than 80 percent of Colorado rural counties rank in the top half of employment growth of all such areas as a result of his initiatives.
The proposed plan includes the creation of a federally funded grant program to train first responders on how to use Naloxone, a drug that aids in the reversal of an overdose, as well as the enactment of a national prescription drug buyback and disposal program. Hickenlooper's plan has further made provisions for a ban to be created, via executive order, to stop the advertising of opioids intended for pain relief and require Medicaid and other insurers to cover rehabilitation services.
Hickenlooper has also proposed to implement $50 billion in tax credit for owners of micro-businesses, which are small businesses that have five or fewer full-time employees and draw in revenues of less than $10 million annually to stimulate rural economic development. and invest $10 billion to provide tax relief to small businesses for any new hires. He has also included $10 billion to go towards tax relief to small businesses for new hires, $20 billion to be invested in the much needed expansion of broadband access across the U.S., and $10 billion of the previously states 20 to go to the Agriculture Department's Rural Utilities Service fund to directly deploy broadband access.
Hickenlooper's bid for the presidency has left him pushed to the sidelines as many, MANY other Democratic candidates have also announced their run for president. However, he still has plenty of time to set himself apart from the pack. Only time and polling will tell. Until then, you can read Gov. Hickenlooper's plan in further detail and learn more about his policy experience in rural Colorado communities on his Medium blog.
And to read up on the rest of the Presidential candidates for 2020, you may click the link below. This article includes a brief summary of the experiences and goals of each candidate.