Sometimes, there's a price to being too nice or too friendly. From personal experience, I have found that the friendlier I try to be, the more I am let down by everyone else. What I mean is, the best reward for good will is reciprocation, and that often doesn't happen.
The more often I hold the door, and the more often I thank someone for doing the same, the more I am upset when I don't receive the same treatment. I think I have to realize that not everybody out there is going to be as courteous as I am.
My mom always warns me that being the nice person can sometimes turn me into a pushover, which I certainly don't intend. When my friends want to go to a certain restaurant that I'm not so interested in, I'll go anyway, because I don't like to cause problems. I don't concede because I am easily manipulated, I concede because I care that others are happy over myself. But should I feel disappointed when others don't do the same for me? Or should I feel proud that I did the right thing? The correct emotional response is a bit blurry. Obviously, one should feel proud when doing something nice for another, but as a nice person, what I am really looking for is others to learn from the courtesy I am silently teaching them, and that may never come.
I'll always do a favor when others ask, even if it's slightly inconvenient for me, because it makes me feel good when they thank me. But I now realize that I have to learn not to expect a favor in return. Not everything I am inclined to do will resonate within others, and this is just a fact of life.
My mom and I are very similar in these sentiments. One thing that drives us both crazy is that we are always the ones to reach out to others to make plans. If I want to see my friends, I have to do the inviting and the planning, because nothing of the sort seems to cross anyone else's mind. My mom, too. And then when we get together, my friends are always like, "It's so nice to see you! What a great idea to make these plans!" I agree politely, but I'm also thinking that it would've been nice for a change if somebody else thought to reach out to me.
If I am not on their radar, should I just stop making the effort? Am I forcing myself into friendships that don't want me? Or is this just another instance of the "nice friend" missing out on the reciprocation? If we part ways after hanging out by saying, "We definitely have to see each other again before we go back to school," is that automatically on me to make those arrangements? Because that happened recently, and I haven't heard anything from the other end.
In another instance, I recently tried to make plans with someone I haven't seen in a while, but it didn't work out. However, we agreed that we do have to get together before school starts up again. I have decided to let her make the move to suggest plans, because if she truly wants to see me, she can make it happen just as easily as I can.
But what if she never reaches out? How do I read that? Is she really just not interested in seeing me, or is it just another case of me expecting others to act the way I do? I realize that good friendships need to be maintained, but do others not feel the same way? I don't want to miss out on seeing her just because I am waiting on her to act as I would. Sometimes, it gets very frustrating.
I am sure there are many of you out there who feel similarly, those of us "nice friends." For those of you who may not understand what I am talking about, I urge you to make the plans next time, to do a favor you wouldn't usually for someone who has helped you out, to hold the door. Don't expect those of us who are nicer to make all your plans, to hold all your doors, to do all your favors. Yes, it's what we're inclined to do, but don't always take advantage. Sometimes, it's nice to have the courtesy swing back around.
