I'm hurting.

My life seems to be on a roller coaster of happiness and sadness, laughter and loneliness, love and hate.

There seems to be a season of my life on repeat; a season that consists of a lot of anxious thoughts, empty conversations, and fake happiness. A season that the enemy knows gets me stuck in my head which blocks the truth of God.

I go day in and day out talking about my love for the Lord and how wonderful He is and continues to be, yet, my heart is struggling to feel whole and content.

I used to think it was wrong to be mad at God or even beg for Him to show Himself faithful to you. But every child of God goes through these mountains and valleys. It's normal to yell and scream at Him to be there for you and to make Himself known.

None of those things waver my love for my Father. I know that He is loving, faithful, trusting, on-time, and never-ending.

It's almost like the feelings of anxiety, loneliness, and sadness push me closer to God because I know that He is the only thing that will be there for me no matter what. I can talk to Him and read His word. I can sing to Him and shout my cries to Him.

When I'm sad, I tell Him. When I'm angry, I tell Him. When I'm lonely, I tell Him. When I'm anxious, I tell Him.

And when I tell Him, I know that He will pull me out of it.

As a person with a relationship with the Lord, I can't type these articles each week and give off the impression that I'm always happy, content, or simply okay.

I have moments, a lot of moments actually, throughout my daily walk that make me take a step backward, that make me stumble a little, that make me sad for a brief amount of time.

I'm never fully happy because I have thoughts that I'm continuously battling with that are placed in my head by the enemy. They're not of God, I know, but every day I have to make the effort to push those thoughts away from my life and lean on the promises God has given me.

No matter the fight, struggle, or trial, my heart belongs to the Lord.

But, I got what I wanted. Why am I still feeling broken? I got what I prayed for. Why am I still feeling empty?

If I'm going to be honest with you, which I promised to do from the beginning of my Odyssey adventure, I'm hurting. I feel broken. I'm tired. I'm sad. But I'll be okay, in time.

I've taken about ten steps back in my progress with this season, but with my faithful God, nothing can take over my optimistic heart.

I just hope that whoever reads this, will kindly share a prayer for me to find peace of mind and a calm heart.