In hindsight, perhaps I am being harsh with myself or even dramatic. But then reflection upon a 16-year bout with academia and what is the American education system, making that assertion seems fitting. Now as individuals we are all taught that we bring something unique to the world. We are all taught from early that we can't be good at everything but being good at everything is what we should all be aiming for. Education and access to quality education are limited by socio-economic status just the same as quality healthcare is. What makes it difficult and painful for those at the bottom of the totem pole is simply that education more often than not allows for social mobility. Education is arguably one of the most powerful and important tools for one to possess when trying to progress financially, socially and economically.
Which brings me back to me. I have always understood the importance of education, and I have never felt as if school was unnecessary but when it came to how I was being taught or how much I was actually retaining information I felt the system had it all wrong. I have never liked math, been good at it or cared for it in general. Which brings me to question whether it is my brain that is the problem or the absence of a patient educator was the issue. Like any system, the American education system works pretty standardly and hasn't changed too much over the years. But then again many education systems across the globe in FIRST WORLD countries are outdated. So really I find myself in a constant war with math both trying to get my brain to understand it and trying to get around it. Math alone over the years has meant the difference between my A’s and B’s. Between repeating a grade and moving on and the difference between feeling solid in my intelligence and panicking when I'm called on to solve an equation on the board.
The question for me then becomes how much of my struggle with math is the nature of how I process information? and how much of it is due to the way I have always been taught. In a world and culture where everything is either about the dollar or technology not excelling in math is an immediate disadvantage. I have always been able to assess my skills and capabilities and I know that with writing, history and more conceptual subjects I'm a powerhouse. But with math and everything else I am not. It is a blow to my self-esteem at times and ambition at other times. Truly it comes down to how much more difficult for me will it be for me to reach my desired pinnacle of success without this established proficiency in math? Can one be brilliant in only one field or is brilliance general and defined? What is intelligence if your brain can only understand certain things well? What is intelligence even? Knowing things? Being able to create things? Or using what you know to move forward?
