We’re all a little gay. National “Coming Out” Day was October 11th, so if you missed it – no big deal; every day is a great day to leave the closet.
I am as gay as can be, there’s no denying it. That wasn’t always apparent though. Throughout high school I had several girlfriends, to all of which I was a terrible boyfriend (sorry, girls!). Did I know I was gay? Yes, absolutely. But due to the homophobic culture we live in I was not comfortable with being true to myself because why should I love something that everyone else does not? I eventually came out, however, and I learned that “everyone else” was a lie. I was overwhelmed by the abundant and deeply warm acceptance I received, and to this day coming out has been one of the best choices I have ever made for myself. I think it’s partially because gay marriage is legal now (thanks, Obama!).
Being gay is not a choice, but coming out is. It either happens at the right time and the right place, or it all sort of just spills out for everyone to gawk at. I came out to my family first by bringing a boy home (for those who do not understand the phrase “bringing a boy home” please see: hookup culture). Anyway, after that I was bombarded from all sides with questions like “Was he more than a friend?” and “Why didn’t you say he was your boyfriend?!” to which the answers were “uh yes” and “hell no!” My mom claimed she “knew since I was little” and my dad asked how I felt: the same because I was gay before and I’m gay now but it doesn’t define who I am, it’s only a part of who I am.
I came out two years ago, but I still remember how difficult it was. I had never actually planned to leave the dark safety of the closet. Sometimes life takes its own course and we’re all just along for the ride. That’s basically what happened when I came out to my grandma, aunt and cousin. It was New Year’s Day and of course my mom was pushing for me to tell them. I wasn’t an advocate for making a big deal out of something that shouldn’t be, but it happened anyway. I was in my room with my cousin when my mom brought my aunt up. She wasn’t surprised, saying how it was obvious and of course I’m gay. Then she asked if I knew about my cousin. I was confused, “What about her?” Turns out my cousin, with whom I am very close, is gay too. What’s ironic though is that neither of us knew the other was gay. Then again, I never once claimed to have a working radar. Then they brought Grandma up and we both came out to her together and, like my aunt, she wasn’t surprised.
I think I was surprised. Surprised by the fact that so many people already suspected I was gay and therefore saw me as gay already. Surprised by how warm and welcoming everyone was, from my family to my friends. Surprised by how different I actually did feel, because I felt like a new me walking away from the dark shadowy version of myself. I was very lucky with the reception I had and I know not everyone is as fortunate because of homophobic family members, jobs, etc., but I hope one day soon we can hear more stories like this and less like the ones that always end up on the news in a body bag.
