First, let me just preface this by saying that if you have extremely conservative views on sex, then this article is not for you.
Okay, let’s get right to it.
Many of us have had the chance to be a part of a Friends With Benefits relationship. Yes, friends with benefits. It doesn’t matter how you got there; maybe it was with an ex, maybe with someone cute you met at a party, or even with your best friend. Either way, you might have found yourself in one, or you might be in one this very second. But I am here to tell you: STOP. RIGHT. NOW.
This is not about being a virtuous man or woman, this is about your mental well-being. I could care less the amount of people you sleep with or who you sleep with, but agreeing to hook up with someone one day and then pretending to be just friends the next is extremely risky. It may not be true in every case; but sooner or later, someone will fall in love and that’s when everything falls apart.
Being a part of a FWB relationship (yes, this still qualifies as a relationship) is just as much work as being in a regular relationship. There’s so much thought that goes into just how “exclusive” your FWB relationship is. Is the other person allowed to be FWB with someone else? Are you supposed to actually hang out and maintain a friendship, or is this just a late night text kind of situation? Are you keeping this a secret from your other friends? The problem is that, most of the time, no one is actually willing to ask these questions aloud! They will just go along with whatever the dominant person suggests and they never take the time to actually establish boundaries. The problem is, once you do establish these boundaries, the entire idea of a “relaxed, no strings attached" FWB relationship disappears.
The real danger, when it comes to FWB relationships, is when you’ve entered the situation with someone that was already your friend. If it goes bad (and it will), you’ve just lost a friend. Not many people can separate their physical attraction to someone from their emotional attraction to someone, and considering you already like this person, at least enough for them to be your friend, separating the two will be that much harder.
Although it seems appealing to have the physical benefits of a relationship without the emotional stress and financial responsibilities of one, in the end, it is more stressful to have to worry about the status and the rules of your FWB relationship, and, when one person develops feelings that move beyond the established boundaries, you’re almost certain to lose a friend.
I know you might be thinking: you’ve got this under control. It won’t happen to you. But trust me. If you’re not really looking for a relationship right now, then that’s fine. But don’t put more pressure on yourself by stressing over situation that supposed to be stress-free.
