Being Able To Plan Spontaneous Trips Means You're Not Busy

If You Can Make Spontaneous Plans With Friends, You Are Not A Busy Person

So please, do not tell me that you are too busy to do anything school-related.

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I have always considered myself to be a busy person but it was not until this semester that I realized that I could get busier. The past semesters, I was always able to make plans with friends and just hang out without having to worry about all the things I had to do. This semester, it actually stresses me out how busy I am. The worst part about it though was that I didn't realize I was busy until someone told me they were too busy to do an assignment for a class.

Get this. I am a full-time student in my last year of college. I had two jobs up until a month ago when I had to quit one in order to prevent burnout; now I only have one. In the past two weeks, I worked over 70 hours. I did not have one day off over my fall break, but that's fine. Who needs a break, am I right? Along with school and a job, I have committed myself to one extracurricular activity, which is Pep Band. Weekly, I spend anywhere from 2 - 10 hours in band, and that is just the hours where I am at school doing band. I spend a lot of time at home with band as well, especially since I found myself to be in a leadership position, where I have a lot of responsibility.

Okay, so that is me. Now, the girl who told me she was too busy to do one little task for class (that really would have just taken her 5 minutes to do in reality) just started college and goes on spontaneous trips with friends all over the state of Arizona. Now, that is great for her. I am glad she gets to experience life like that but if you can go on trips with friends, you are not busy enough.

Being busy is not being able to go on trips with friends. When my friends want to hang out, we have to plan it a month in advance because we are busy people and it is more common than not that the plans end up falling through because something pops up. Being busy is not something that you brag about; I don't know anyone that wants to be busy all the time. Plus, you are going to school to get an education, how can you be too busy for school? Shouldn't school be the top priority?

Being "too busy" to finish out a class for the semester (so you drop the class) but then partying every weekend doesn't make sense. If you can go out on a Friday night, every single Friday, you are not busy. If your friend/roommate wakes you up at 4 am on a Saturday morning and says "pack a bag, we are going to Flagstaff" and you just get up and go, you are not busy. If you can find the time to do all that, then you can find the time to go to class or do an assignment. You're not "too busy", so don't tell me that you are.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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You Need To Accept That Not Every Friend Is A Forever Friend

We find ourselves forgiving these people, despite the consistent pain that they put us under.

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Breaking up with a significant other and ending a romantic relationship is a form of heartbreak that is covered by the mass: we have movies that depict the kind of situation and songs that tell of the pain. Yet there's another kind of end to a relationship that is less covered and equally as agonizing — the end of a friendship.

You've most definitely heard of toxic romantic relationships, but toxic friendships are often overlooked. We tell ourselves that it's just a part of life, that sometimes friends hurt us and sometimes we fight. We find ourselves forgiving these people, despite the consistent pain that they put us under.

Toxicity is common within friends. A toxic friend feeds off of your hurt. They leave you out intentionally or create group chats without you. They'll constantly make you feel bad about yourself and make you believe that you are the one who's in the wrong. They utterly lack empathy, and don't care whether or not you are hurting, nor will they ask if you're okay. Typically, they love drama and will generate it at any given moment. They are pretty self-centered and only care about their own problems, never asking or listening to you about your own.

When a friend is causing you more stress than happiness, more harm than good, then they are not worth it. Friends are the people in your life who are supposed to be there for you and help you through this crazy, mixed-up world, and if someone is doing the exact opposite, you need to walk away.

The first step to letting these people go is to confront them for the last time. Try and discuss the situation with them. Generate conversation to see if there is an underlying problem that could be helped. If this person is still displaying toxic behaviors, you'll know that you've done everything you can to make it work and that this person is just someone who is never going to change their ways.

And the only thing left to do is to let them go.

It's not easy. In fact, it's nearly the furthest thing from it. It can alter your entire life, whether it be changing the dynamics within your friend group or distancing yourself from this toxic person. A lot of the times, the task of detaching yourself from a toxic friend seems so complex that we give up and forgive them.

Don't. As hard as it is, it will get easier. While one door closes, another one will open. You may find yourself open to new people and opportunities that you had never had when you were caught up with your old friend. You'll have time to learn to love yourself more because once you start to love yourself, you'll be able to more clearly differentiate between toxic and healthy treatment.

Some friends aren't forever. And that's okay. They come into your life, teach you lessons, provide memories, and leave. You are better off without that pain in your life. Know that not every person that comes into your life is going to be this way. You'll find people who are undyingly loving, supporting, and kind, who will be there for the rest of your lives. They will fill the void of what your toxic friend will never be able to be.

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