Every morning I roll all over my bed, search for my phone, and check social media before I start my day. The past few days my timeline has been consumed with videos, articles and Facebook statuses about another unarmed black man being gunned down by the police. I don't want to read the articles or watch the videos because it makes me sick to my stomach to know that being black is a crime in this country.
I first realized I was different was in the seventh grade. That was the first time that I was aware of the color of my skin and that I was different than a number of people in my classroom. I grew up anxious about the color of my skin because it was a constant reminder that I was different. I could be smarter, cuter or stronger than my white counterpart, but I was never certain of specific outcomes because I was black. I have always been treated as something exotic, almost non-human-like; I hear phrases, such as "ooh your hair is so cute how do you get it like that?" or "I wish my skin was as brown as yours." I'm treated as a science experiment when I'm being picked and poked at while people talk to me, wondering why I am as articulate as I am.
These are all things that I can handle, but the scary thing about being black is opening your phone to see someone your exact color has been killed during a routine traffic stop, for playing in the park, needing assistance after a car accident, or having a stalled car and looking for help. The scary part about being black is being labeled as a thug or ghetto as justification for your life being taken away from you. The scary part about being black is worrying if your brother, sister, mom, aunt, uncle or cousin is going to be condemned to the next hashtag circling the internet.
Being yourself shouldn't be scary; you shouldn't have to worry about making it home every time you walk out the door. You shouldn't feel anxious when the police pull you over or if a police officer approaches you. I shouldn't be scared to live my life but I am; I'm scared knowing that my life is not valued and that, at any moment, it can be taken away all because the color of my skin is threatening.
