The world is full of beautiful, lively, colorful things but it also has darkness, cruelty and insecurities. You walk past people everyday, all who are going about their normal day. Do you ever notice the ones around you? You probably really only see about a handful of people, and when I say see I mean really look at their facial features and the clothes they are wearing as well as their body type. They say you make judgements about a single person the first three seconds you look at them. Three seconds is all it takes to have an opinion on someone before you even hear their voice.
Growing up I was always considered "pretty". I'm not over weight but I'm not stick thin. I'm not in the best fitness shape, my tummy isn't perfectly flat, I have cellulite on my thighs, my love handles over flow in my jeans. When I was young I was as thin as a tree branch pretty much. When I ate I could eat anything I wanted as much as I wanted without worrying about gaining weight. My fast metabolism was something I hated about myself. Girls at school would always pick on me for my small size, usually they'd wrap their fingers around my wrists and see how small my arms were that they could fit a fist around them. Once I hit senior year of high school my body changed. I had more meat on my bones and my tummy poked out. This, for me was a change that I didn't know how to handle.
When I complain about my body in any area I get dirty looks and eye rolls. I'm always told by my friends that I'm smaller than they are so I should be happy. My opinion on my body is invalid because I weigh less than other people. "You look fine" is what I always get because apparently I'm a pretty face with an average body and I should be fine with how I look. Although that's not okay either. Yes I'm attractive in some ways but just because I have a pretty face and curves doesn't mean I can't dislike certain things on my body. Being a pretty face with huge insecurities isn't easy at all. It actually makes things more difficult at times.
During times when your friends are all complaining about their bodies and you chime in about your love handles/tummy/arm fat/etc they look at you like:
And now you feel as if your insecurities can't ever be talked about which leaves you feeling like:
"You're like 120lbs what are you talking about?"
Putting on jeans but somedays they feel tighter than usual...
"Oh you look fine, stop complaining. I would love to have your body."
Going on a healthy eating diet and your friends tempt you with junk food saying you're skinny enough and you shouldn't worry about your diet.
"I don't see why you're making it such a big deal like you look good."
Honestly I think knowing you are average or a pretty face makes you feel worse because you don't see it yourself. You want to like how you look but you just don't. Why can't I see it? You have that little more to get to and it takes patience but it also makes it that much more annoying because it's not much you want to lose if anything. Maybe it's your acne, just needing to find that right spot treatment for your skin type. Maybe it's your height, being 6'2" as a girl sucks because all the guys are 6'0" and you can't wear heels going out. Maybe it's your frizzy hair, humidity makes it that much more worse and you wish you could find a serum to tone it down. Whatever it may be you can fix what it is just takes some time. Someday you'll be able to talk about it without being shot down or made small. I hope someday soon you'll find happiness in yourself and learn to love all your flaws. I'm not there yet myself but I hope by this time next year I can look at myself in the mirror and not feel disgusted looking at the reflection.
