It's the time of year many like to call "cuffing season." Also known as winter, the holiday season and anything other than cuffing season for us single people.
When you find yourself surrounded by relationships, you learn a lot. It also helps if you are someone that observes and analyzes every move people make. You get to see everyone in your life go through changes in relationships. I got to see my sister go through a couple boyfriends before finding the man she will marry in a few short weeks. I got to see my parents love flourish while I was younger. Now I get to see them happier than they’ve ever been with their new significant others. I’ve watched my best friends go through some of the worst heartbreak. I’ve watched other friends find someone they match more perfectly with than anyone they could pick themselves.
I may lack in the relationship department, but I’ve seen enough to have learned a few lessons.
I’ve learned that you should never settle. This may be common sense to some, but it’s a lesson that everyone should know. When you’re lonely and sad, call a friend or call your mom. Do not call the ex that you broke up with because you realized you were being treated like crap. Do not call the boy that broke your heart but is always available for a booty-call. When the boy that broke your heart comes back and says he misses you, do not go back. When you’re lonely and surrounded by relationships don’t simply settle for something just because you feel left out of the relationships world.
When you find someone who loves you and makes you their world, do not let that go. Don’t self sabotage something because you are afraid of the relationship. Don’t get into the mindset that it is too good to be true. Have faith in the relationship. Live in the moment.
Possibly the most important lesson I’ve learned is that love is not always enough. This goes along with making sure you don’t settle. They say love conquers all, but sometimes is just can’t. You can’t say “but I love them” as an excuse to stay with someone who is causing you more hurt than you can imagine. You can’t say “but I love them” as a reason to put up with emotional abuse. Sometimes, it just isn’t enough. Sometimes you have to let go and move on.
When you’re the girl who has never dated, you see a lot. You encounter a lot. You have a lot of freedom. Don’t change yourself for someone. Don’t allow someone to morph you into THEIR perfect person. Keep being your perfect person. Find someone who loves everything about you. Your quirks, your silly little jokes, the weird laugh when you’re the only one who finds something funny. They love it all. They aren’t embarrassed by the weird laugh. They don’t tell you the jokes are stupid; they even laugh at them. They embrace the weird quirks.
I’ve learned that I have more standards than I thought. I’ve learned that I may not find my own Jess Mariano. I’ve learned that I don’t want the Deans of the world. I’ve learned that my kitten is the only one deserving of all my love. I’ve learned that people will disappoint you, but you have to move on.
I’ve also learned that I may be alone forever. I may never be in a relationship. I may never find someone to spend my life with. But that’s okay. I have my family, my friends and myself. I don’t need someone to rely on. All I need is Starbucks, Netflix and my bed.
