I like to think that when I go to the pool I'm just going to sit back and relax. I think I'll read or float around in the pool or talk to friends. However, these things rarely happen because my mind is constantly racing, and it's extremely easy to distract me. So, here's a look inside my head when I'm at the pool. (I'm hoping you have some of these thoughts, too, and that I'm not as weird as I think I am.)
1. Damn, it's hot.
2. Why are children so loud?
3. Why do teenage boys think they're so cool? It's an epidemic.
I think I'm actually choking on the testosterone that's coming off those 14 year old boys. God, did one of them just check me out? Gross. I wonder if he realizes I'm old enough to drink legally. My mom said I look like a little girl when I wear this swimming suit. I must actually look that young. God, I need a bikini top with lots of padding or something.
4. Damn, it's hot.
5. Damnnn, he's hot.
God, I really hope I don't look like I'm 15. Oh, my God, though. Look at him. I can't breathe, but that could just be the humidity that's at 157% today... How do I make myself look older?? Help me, Lord!
6. Maybe I should read.
I always complain because I don't have time to read, and here I am wasting valuable reading time.
7. It feels like my skin's burning off.
I should probably reapply my sunscreen... Nah, I'm too lazy. I mean, I'd have to dig through my bag for the sunscreen, and then I'd have to put it on. So much work.
8. Who started the whole let's throw balls across the pool and hit random people thing?
These kids better not send any flying objects my way. If they do, I'll let them have it. I'll just lay into them. Except, not really. When do I ever talk to someone unless it's absolutely necessary?
9. Read, Lex. Read.
I wish I could focus on this book. I would really like to read another before the summer ends. Oh, no. God, no. Summer's almost over. I have, what, a month left? I'm going to cry.
10. I really need to figure out my classes for next semester.
Was it really necessary to double major? Should I really try to get a minor, too? I'm crazy. I'm actually crazy.
11. Senior year.
God. This will be my senior year. I need to figure out if I'm going to grad school. Grad school. That sounds terrifying. Grad school. Grad schoool. Maybe if I say it slowly it will sink in. I should have this figured out by now. What am I even doing with my life? What am I? What is life?
12. Hot guy's walking by. Act natural.
Hide behind your book! Avoid eye contact. Don't speak or move or do anything awkward... Good, he's gone. Now, you can watch him from afar. Wait, did he see me staring at him? He couldn't have. I'm wearing sunglasses. You can't see wandering eyes through sunglasses, right? Right?
13. Where was I? Oh, yes. On the verge of an existential crisis.
Don't go there. The pool is not the place for such crises.
14. Did I turn in my article for the paper?
Hope so. It was due today by 10 a.m., and it's now 3 p.m. Perhaps I should get my phone out and check my email to make sure. Or not, you know, since I'm notorious for shattering phone screens and dropping phones in bodies of water. I mean, I'm sure I turned it in. I think.
15. What am I going to write for the Odyssey next week? All my ideas are awful. So awful.
16. I need to go see "Star Trek Beyond."
And "Lights Out," and then I'll never sleep with the lights out again. I wonder if "Legend of Tarzan" is still out. I kind of wanted to see it. Alexander Skarsgård, am I right?
17. Okay, there's a spot on my leg that's burning terribly.
I really should put on more sunscreen, but will that give me a splotchy tan? I already have a splotchy tan on my stomach. For real, though, how do other girls not get horrible splotchy tans, too? It's just not fair.
18. Good God. This song is terrible.
Actually, all of these songs are terrible. Except for the occasional twenty one pilots or Fall Out Boy song. I should see if I can make these pool people a playlist or something. They obviously don't know good music. If I hear Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez again, I'm going to lose it. We need some Halsey or Panic! At The Disco or Bastille or...
19. Wow. A margarita sounds great.
I don't know if I've ever been this hot. I guess I'll get in the water now. It's not like I'm making any progress in my book anyway. Let's be honest, all I'm doing is trying to very nonchalantly watch hot guy. God, I have problems.