I never had many friends growing up. I typically always had one best friend, and maybe another friend or two to talk to. But these people haven’t necessarily been the same people over the years.
I’ve found myself stuck in a seemingly endless cycle of friendship: I make a friend and fall in love with them -- they are the perfect best friend. We spend a year or two completely inseparable, practically like sisters. And then something happens; we either lose touch, or have a huge falling out over nothing. We go months, even years, without speaking. I will probably never hear from some of these friends ever again.
At first, I was always devastated. It didn’t matter how many times I went through the cycle -- every lost friendship hurt just as much. After a while, you start to blame yourself. Am I the problem? What am I doing wrong? I have spent many sleepless nights wondering exactly that: What am I doing wrong? It ate away at me for years.
But as I’ve grown up, I’ve come to realize and accept the fact that some people just don’t mix well. As we get older, we’re constantly growing and changing into different -- hopefully better -- versions of ourselves. Sometimes these new and improved versions aren’t compatible with the people the old You was compatible with. And that’s okay.
It’s okay to have a few friends. It’s okay to have a lot of friends. It’s okay to only have one friend. And sometimes, it’s okay if that only friend is yourself.
I’m a firm believer in the idea that the universe will not bring a good person into your life -- be it a friend or a significant other -- until you’ve learned to be alone. So many people are dependent on others for validation to the point where people are afraid to be by themselves. People feel terrible when they spend their weekends at home instead of out with others. And it’s unhealthy.
To the people out there who can’t keep a best friend: I feel you. I know it gets lonely. But I also know that being your own best friend isn’t all that bad, either. Hang in there, and learn all you can from the people around you until they are no longer in your life anymore.
