From the time I was about 17 years old I always wondered who I would get married to and have kids with and how my life would be like. I knew I always wanted a big family and saw myself being married by 23 (lets all laugh together) and having about 3 kids before I turned 30. Well little did I know, a few weeks before my 21st birthday I became pregnant. I didn't find out until I was 8 weeks along and had no idea what I was going to do.
Many close people in my life wanted me to have an abortion but I knew I couldn't do that. It's hard when the whole world is against something that you want even if you know it's going to be hard. I had an easy pregnancy for the most part but it was a long stressful 9 months. For anyone that was close to me during that time knows how hard it was and what I went through. I guess I can say I'm luckier then most how this all turned out.
I had my son on April 20th (yes I know, national weed day). He's his fathers son for sure (LOL). At first it was really hard having a newborn who needs attention 24/7 who you have to feed every 2-3 hours and change diapers constantly. The first month was really hard especially having to wake up in the middle of the night for feedings and even worse when he wouldn't go back to sleep right after eating. When he did finally sleep you couldn't lay him back in his bassinet right away because he would constantly spit-up so I had to make him lay upright while trying to keep myself awake enough to do this. Being alone was hard at first too. I needed another person to help me change him because boys like to pee on you when the air hits them (laughs).
I had really bad postpartum depression. Like I said, the first month was really hard and I found myself crying all the time every day. I didn't know why I would start crying but it would just happen so randomly I thought it would never end or that my depression was long-term but thankfully it wasn't.
After the first month it got a little easier. I was able to handle taking care of my son by myself and he started sleeping through the night (Thank God). It still felt like I was constantly feeding him and he kept eating more and more every month but I still found myself feeding him every 2-3 hours. When he turned 4 months I was able to start giving him rice cereal with his formula which was a life saver because it keeps him fuller longer and he started sleeping longer as well. On October 20th he will be 6 months and I still can't believe how fast time has gone by. I feel like I just bought him home from the hospital and now reality is hitting me that he's about to be half a year old.
I turned 22 in July and even though I'm not so young I still didn't plan this or expect my 20s to not be all about going out and partying. Sometimes it's hard seeing all my friends going out every weekend drinking or just hanging out and I can't because I have to take care of my son, but honestly half the time I never liked going out anyways. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to because I'm not that big of a drinker and I wouldn't change anything about my life now. I feel so blessed being able to have my son and watch him grow everyday. It's amazing how you can learn something new about a baby every single day and how fast they grow.
It still gets hard sometimes because now that he's teething he's more cranky and sometimes he whines for a long time and it gets frustrating. Sometimes I wonder if it'll ever get easier which I know it will, but at the same time being a parent will always be hard.
I keep seeing this quote which says "if you want to find out who your real friends are, have a baby". This cannot be more accurate and every time I see it online I share it. I have lost some friends that said they were there for me and when my son arrived they disappeared. Being a young mom means that your social life is pretty much non-exsistent but hey, my phone still works guys!! I love the friends I have that do constantly check up on me and my son and have made an effort. Trust me guys that doesn't go unnoticed. I know that sometimes I suck at getting back to people or actually following through with plans to hang out but now I know how much time, effort and caring having a family is but it's all worth it.
I don't know if I will ever have anymore kids but right now I can't imagine having another baby for a few years. I would hope the next time I have a baby it'll be when my friends are too but who knows. My life has been changed for the better because I have someone that gets to look up to me for the rest of his life and being his mom has made me a better person in just these few short months. Everything I do is for him and no matter what bad things might have followed me in my life, I know that nobody can say I never tried or that I wasn't a good mom.
When I was 16 I had a miscarriage and I was never comfortable making that public until now mostly because I was afraid of being judged by it and the person I was with at the time did not care and left me to deal with it on my own. I was always told after that I would never be able to have any children and I accepted that. My son is such a blessing and I don't regret him or any decisions I had to make to get here. Being a young mom doesn't make me naive or stupid but its made me stronger and more mature then I ever thought possible.
My advice to anyone in my shoes is to always follow your heart and not listen to what anyone else says because its your body, your life and your child. To all the sleepless nights, times you feel like you're never good enough and you don't remember the last time you showered, I just want to say that it gets better. I don't know the last time I cried and that's progress to me.