Pastor Andy Stanley often says that before you find who God has designated for you, you have to be the person that the person you’re looking for is looking for. I, like every other girl, have some qualities in mind for my perfect boy. Some are physical: Someone tall, easy to talk to, laid back, with a soft spot in his heart for animals. Others are more important, having to do with his heart itself. But, wanting qualities in someone else without first examining yourself is an unfair expectation. These virtues that I’m looking for are virtues that I need to put into practice to fulfill what the man I’m looking for is also looking for. This is a challenge for the both of us.

1. Someone so lost in the Lord that I need to pick up the pace to keep up

We both need to challenge each other in our faith; We need to see God from two different lights and show each other new perspectives. We both need to be living our lives in a way that would undoubtedly honor God, to love God before we love each other. Our faith will never be perfect, but it will be stronger together.

2. Someone sincerely compassionate

I think the most admirable quality that truly shows what a person’s heart looks like is how compassionate they are, how they treat other people. I need someone who can talk to anyone, who makes everyone feel welcome. Someone who treats everyone with respect and who’s kindness lights up a room; A man you can see God working through as he puts others before himself.

3. Someone who stands strong in what he believes in

If I want a man who leads by example and stands by his beliefs, then I have to do the same. He should take charge when necessary, and both of us need to learn to value doing the right thing over the easiest thing. Being a Christian today is definitely not the easiest thing, but we both will proudly live out our faith free of shame or doubt.

4. Someone genuine

Genuine is my favorite word. It describes someone who is authentically themselves, unconcerned with worldly things. The word genuine would describe a man who is honest, loyal, sincere, and confident in who he is. That is a man who refuses to conform, who stands out in a crowd and is different than the rest.

Chances are, you’re looking for the exact same qualities that the person you’re looking for is looking for. To find them, work on being the person you want them to be.