The older I get, the more I think about potential fatherhood. At one point or another I believe I will have a child in my life, and I don't know how I will handle it. Now before I go on, my wife is not pregnant so please don't jump to conclusions. When people ask if we are trying, I'm always tempted to make a joke along the lines of, "We're waiting until Jesus comes back to have sex. We want to be the most pure." I will give you two scenarios below of how I feel I will handle fatherhood and then when I do have little people, we can see which one I was right about. For the sake of continuity, my little human in these fake scenarios will be a dude because if I have a girl I have zero idea what I will do other than them having me tied around their little finger.

Scenario 1-

I'm 40 years old and I have a solid yet endearing beer gut. My child plays baseball, and he is decent. I come to his games in my Ford truck, grab a cooler from the back, and hanker down for a long game yelling at the umpires with the other fathers. I'm wearing a blue Footjoy golf polo, khaki shorts, and boat shoes. My hair is thinning, but I keep it because I think it makes me look suave. My beard is bushy and unkept because I believe that's how beards should look. I pack a fat lip, crack a light beer, and start my consistent nit picking of my kid. The game ends with little to no excitement except for my buddy getting in an MMA style fight with another parent. I drive the kid home giving him tips, and pummeling into him that he can always do better. We get home, and I move from beer to Jack Daniels and smack my wife's butt whenever she walks by. I continue this type of lifestyle until my kids graduates college. I work the same job, golf the same course, and chew the same tobacco until, at the ripe age of 60, I die from a heart attack. My kid grows up scarred and angry with me, and continues on the same path as I did. My wife resents the day I told her God gave me a dream that I was going to marry her one day, and falling for it. The end.

Scenario 2-

I'm 40 years old and I have significantly less of a beer gut, and more of a cheeze-it's and soda pudge. I drive to my sons game early in my Chevy truck (see what I did there), and start coaching them for their game that day. My cooler is full of Gatorade, and I chew massive amounts of Big League Chew as I quit chewing tobacco when he was born. I'm patient and soft spoken with the kids only yelling when necessary. I'm still wearing a blue Footjoy golf polo but 2 sizes smaller than the previous fellow, salmon colored shorts, and boat shoes because, sue me, I'm from New England. My hair is buzzed, and I have a permanent 5 o'clock shadow. The kids play well but lose. On the way home, I converse with mini-me about how he felt he played and gave him some tips. I explain that you can always get better and to enjoy the process. I get home, kiss my wife passionately and order a pizza. I continue to live this lifestyle until my kid gets married. I work a job I enjoy, surf around the world with my wife, golf with her every Saturday morning, play juvenile games because you should never stop being a kid, and chew Big League Chew like its my life blood. I pass away at the ripe age of 65 because I never laid off the soda and life isn't fair. My kid grows up to be a fine gentleman, and an even better husband. My wife continues to look hot as ever when I pass, but never gets re-married because no one could be as dope as me. The end.

To be vulnerable, I am concerned about who I will be as a father. Fathers at times can get a horrible rap, and one of my biggest fears is falling to that stereotype. I want to be the father where, if my kids likes science, I'll learn as much as I can about science, and take him to all the camps. I want to be the father where if one of my kids comes out as gay, I kiss them on the cheek, tell them that they shouldn't be afraid, and beat up whomever tries to hurt them. I want to be the father where if my kid gets addicted to something, they know I'll be their safe haven, and do whatever I can to help. I want to be the father who isn't over protective of his daughter, and gives the boy a chance. I want to be the father that tells their kids I'm proud of them.

I might never have kids for whatever reason or be able to adopt-who knows, but one day I do hope I get the chance to be someone's old man.