It started off with two pink lines. Two bright pink lines. A pregnancy test, sitting on my mother's bathroom counter.
The idea of having children was never one that I saw in my future. For most of my life, I lived so selfishly and so negatively that the idea of bringing a child into the world was out of the question.
But here I was staring at two pink lines.
For most people, the idea of themselves or their child getting pregnant as a teenager is a nightmare. Some look at becoming a parent while your a teenager ends your life and ceases your growth. I do understand this to an extent, the concern of "children having children."
Especially when it came to me.
Not even six months before those two pink lines, I was in and out of mental health and substance abuse treatment along with hospitals searching for a reason to live, searching for a reason to not end my life. I couldn't care less about myself, let alone anyone else. I was more worried about getting high, sleeping, and surrounding myself with like-minded people.
But then those two lines came.
Two lines caused everything to stop in motion. Two lines caused my life to flash before my eyes — though when my life flashed before my eyes, it wasn't like others would think. I did not see a life of success, of college, of friends, of travel, of possibilities, flash before me. I did not think "Oh my god this will ruin my life" because my life was already in ruins. I thought instead "I can't ruin their life, this isn't about my life".
Becoming a mother at a young age did not ruin my life, it saved it.
I learned what love finally is and for me, it came in the form of my little boy.
I have grown to love myself more, just watching him watch me in pure adoration.
I have grown to have patience and a soft touch.
I have grown to kiss away booboos and pain, not dismiss them.
I have learned that crying is okay and to cry when it's appropriate.
I have learned that holding it in is never appropriate.
I have learned to ask for help, that it takes a village and that my vulnerability as a mother is a trait I am blessed to have.
Yes, I have had to put some things on hold to raise my child, but life is a journey, not a race. I will get to where I need to go one day, with him by my side.
Getting pregnant at 17 did not mean my life was over, it just meant that I get to live life with my son longer, I just met him sooner than expected.
Of all the wonders I have seen, I will now see a second time from inside his eyes. And for all the things I have yet to experience but will be blessed to, I will do with my son.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.