"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My god, do you learn." ~ C.S. Lewis
I opened this article with this quote to invite y'all into the mindset that is becoming ever more present in my life... specifically when it is applied to my dating life.
For as long as I can remember, I have loved 'love'. It is something that I delight in seeing in the world, being displayed in all its different forms. There is love for a friend, love for family, love for a significant other, love for a stranger, and too many more forms to list.
However, as I have gotten older, my enthusiasm surrounding the topic of love has become slightly dimmed.
In the past few months, I have been faced with a situation that has changed how I look at love and how much it can truly change us. I have had to take a good look at the modern dating world, and admit to myself that love may not be what I have always hoped it would be.
It is no longer respectful and selfless.
It is no longer filled with romantic gestures on random days just to make someone smile.
It is no longer pleased with one person.
It is frightened by commitment and the responsibility of someone else's heart.
From the viewpoint of a twenty year old college student, real love seems to have disappeared.
This realization has been thoroughly heart breaking for me. Being a person who values love, it is so tragic to watch as real love is slowly vanishing from society.
The past year has taught me a lot, with much of those lessons falling into the category of love.
I have had the misfortune of learning about the consequences that 'wrong timing' can have when it comes to love.
In my case, this lesson has come in the form of falling for someone who is not ready for the same level of commitment that I am ready for at this point in his life.
Someone who I care about deeply. Someone who cares about me.
Timing can be a real nightmare when it comes to love.
"Timing is a hell of a thing. In the end, that's all it comes down to. The potency of an attraction or the purity of a connection mean very little if you're on separate journeys. You and I were a perfect fit, we were, there was just too much distance between us to see it." ~ Beau Taplin
I want to stress one thing to y'all, though. However bad 'wrong timing' situations can make us feel, we should never be made to feel bad for loving someone.
In my experience, it has been hard, but I wouldn't want to go back and change anything.
I am a better person for the lessons that I am learning and have learned from this situation, and I am a better person for having him in my life.
This is still true even though he isn't in my life to the extent that I would like him to be.
I have encountered many well-meaning pieces of advice; many of these revolving around telling me to let it go or cut off communication. While I know these people are looking out for my best interest, I cannot seem to take their advice.
You see, I have always struggled with fights between my heart and my head. This is purely because I follow my heart the majority of the time.
In this situation, I have come to the conclusion that I am happier with him in my life in some way rather than out of my life completely.
I am by no means, however, saying that this has been an easy decision.
It took me taking a step back to question whether I was capable of dealing with the pain of sacrificing the relationship that I wanted in order to have any relationship at all.
Timing can cause everything to work out while also hindering anything from happening.
It can be a great thing and it can be the worst.
All in all, whether timing is right or not, if you love someone it is okay to keep them in your life, even if it isn't the way you planned.
