Before I had a baby, I would see women in public doing something that I necessarily wouldn't agree with. Whatever the case was back then, boy, things have changed. I have a beautiful little girl and I can't imagine my life without her. Now I have a completely different mindset when I see other moms in public doing something that I might not agree with, even still.
Parenting is hard and I don't mean calculus, statistics or chemistry hard. But like super hard. It's something no one can prepare you for and even if they do, you aren't going to believe them. Before that miracle of a baby is born, you think you know how things are going to be and you would be incredibly wrong. I learned that having a baby isn't what it is all cracked up to be. Many people think it's rainbows, joyful and picture perfect. It isn't. But no one wants to talk about the reality of it, and that's the part I don't understand.
According to PostPartumProgress, about 15 percent of women who give birth get postpartum depression. Another way to look at is out of 4.3 million live births, there are 950,000 women who supper from PPD. It is real and it is happening. It's safe to say that there are probably more because of the women who don't report the symptoms they are experiencing. The point is that parenting isn't all butterflies and rainbows. I was miserable the first two months and ashamed to ever express it because I felt an obligation to be so happy about what has happened to me.
Being a new mom I had to learn as I went. I stopped pumping breast milk and that was the first step for me to get better. It worked. We slowly switched to formula because I honestly thought buying formula was worth my sanity. I finally started to feel like me and I was loving it. I kept figuring other things out as I went. We had to get a schedule going for her and to stick with it. Being a mom, and a parent in general, means doing what works for you and your baby. Just because it doesn't work for another mom or baby, doesn't mean it is wrong by any means.
And that is what changed my mindset when I see another mom in public. Nowadays I see a mom and think about it. I start to judge and then remember I probably do things that other moms don't agree with -- like I know my daughter gets hot as hell in the car seat, so I don't bundle her up via clothes, when it's 30 degrees outside. I know this, other moms who see it might think something else - something not so nice. I remind myself as moms we have to do things that make our lives easier, not harder.
"Do what you feel in your heat to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway." -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Just because you have the financial means to stay home and raise your babies doesn't mean every mom can. Just because you want to, can and succeed at breast feeding doesn't mean other moms do. Just because your baby is crawling at 5 months old doesn't mean my baby is on the struggle bus. Just because you want to feed your baby purees at 4 and I don't until 6 months, doesn't mean I'm not doing what I am supposed to do.
"What good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is usually best after all." -- Benjamin Spock
I do what is best for my baby and me. Simple as that.
We as moms have to stick together and stop judging one another. We are in a very big but seemingly small community. We have to support each other because we are the only ones who really understand what is going on with each other.
If you are a new mom and have a baby who is more than few months old and know someone who is pregnant or just had a baby, reach out. Let them know you are there if they have any questions. I had a friend who had an almost 2-year-old girl when I gave birth and until this day, I don't know what I would've done without her. She was my support system the first few months and probably still is. It takes a community even if that community is all strangers. We are all moms trying to make it through the days and raise children who aren't little monsters.
"Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it." --Anonymous
