The first impressions people usually get when meeting me is that I am this funny, crazy, confident girl. If we think about it, first impressions of someone are usually not how they actually are.
We all do it without even realizing it. We have this tendency to show a completely different side than to who we actually are as a whole person. I've met people that are friendly or anti-social, and even a bit sad at first glance. Yet, that friendly person may end up being a jerk. The anti-social person may talk too much. The sad person could probably be the most humble and content person you know. Everyone does it and everyone has their reasons of why they want their first impressions to be a certain way. I perceive myself as this crazy girl because in my head it attracts friends faster. While doing this does bring me friends quicker, it also is the main reason I lose them too.
After the first impression, the second, third and beyond impressions, it shows that I'm annoying and a bit rude, but blatantly honest. Some people cannot handle that. When entering in a friendship with me, people assume I'm going to be this fun person all the time that gives them edge. When I'm not in a good mood and can't make them happy for an hour, or I don't want to joke and be adventurous, people tend to lose interests in me. Truth is, I'm not always that overly confident girl that everyone wants to like. Behind closed doors we are all different.
Behind closed doors I am isolated and I have a hard time seeking motivation to interact. I am weary, and self-conscience and sad. Sometimes because I held in everything but happiness the whole day, behind closed doors I express all the other emotions and try to convey them by just singing to myself. Maybe I write poetry and sometimes i draw. Not a lot of people know this about me. They just think I'm this athletic and energetic being 99% of the time.
I don't want people to see me weak or vulnerable. I want people to see the strong, independent, and brave woman that is a part of me, but sometimes I forget it isn't all of me. I'm happy on the outside because behind closed doors I am different.
