(Best friends from 8th grade to freshman year of college! Thank goodness we've grown up a little bit! Surely middle school is rough for everyone... right?)
Last week, I experienced a flashback to middle school. Oh yes,the awkward, uncomfortable, painstaking middle school years. The years of horrible pictures. The memories of achingly awkward crushes on boys who weren’t that kind to begin with. The school dances in the putrid gymnasium where boys and girls segregated themselves at the half court line. At least we all have some glorious stories for parties from the years we endured puberty’s wrath. Remember those days of insecurity when you walked into a room and immediately felt like everyone was staring directly at the glowing imperfection you saw ten minutes ago in the mirror? Yes, I had one of those again. This stroll down memory lane wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience, to say the least, but I sure did learn a lot.
It was a normal, sunny day in Shawnee, Oklahoma. The birds were chirping, and I was having a great Saturday afternoon. I decided it was about time I got my eyebrows waxed. I went to a salon I had never been to before, and was serviced rather quickly. I’ve done this a hundred times, thanks to my dark hair, but this time something went awfully, terribly wrong. It wasn’t until I returned to my car I saw it.
IT.
Oh, my…
I got burned. Badly.
“It” refers to a red, blotchy mark stretching across the middle of my forehead, about an inch high and three inches long. And I’m not referring to some small, barely visible mark girls tend to become self-conscious about; I looked like I was attempting to be Harry Potter for an early Halloween party. It was nice and obvious for everyone’s viewing pleasure. I was terrified the jagged physical scar would cause me some social scarring as well. I was so embarrassed! I tried to cover the awful IT with makeup, and said some Bible verses out loud to try to talk myself into believing I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Still… I felt about two feet tall and continually saw the IT on my forehead. I was not confident at all. I mean, I had a giant red mark on my face, for crying out loud! The deepest part of my heart cried out, “who wants to talk to someone with a weird mark on their face like me.”
But that was just it. My cause of insecurity didn’t phase my friends in the slightest. They laughed about it with me and loved me like normal. My physical appearance changed nothing about my value in the eyes of my friends. After a few days, I quit caring what people thought about my burn. And it got better, eventually disappearing with no social harm done. The famous Dr. Seuss quote rang through my mind: “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
(These are some of my best friends. They're the real kind, who love beyond superficial reasons. They're examples of some of the most beautiful young women I know.)
Once I started to again believe the lesson I learned long ago in middle school about my value coming from within, I pondered the trap of vanity I had fallen into. How did I end up there anyway? I know my value comes from who I am and who God has designed me to be, but lately, I had become obsessed with what I look like, and even felt anxious at times because of my physical attributes. As I thought about my personal struggle with vanity, I realized how broad of an issue this is for my friends and other young girls I know.
The root of the matter is the shallow definition of beauty the world consistently douses upon the young generation around us. Billboards, magazines, and movies are full of images portraying what the culture around describes as beautiful and desirable. Thin, tall, clear-skinned models strut around television screens, oozing flawlessness from every pore. Beautiful is now a synonym for perfection, frustrating the efforts of every woman who lives today. The concept of beauty is subjective, yet the pressures from culture’s definition persist to reign over our minds and hearts. The pursuit of being “beautiful enough” is a futile, empty race with no finish line. As a runner, I understand the motivation of a finish line, a final goal. Talk about a frustrating race! What’s the point if there is no end goal?
The worst part of this lie from the world is the result it has in the hearts of girls growing up today. From a very young age, they compare themselves to the airbrushed pictures surrounding them, and it has a deep effect on their personal self-image. To see the results this phenomenon is having, I interviewed two middle school girls on their definition of beauty. Maggie, a 7th grader, describes the word beautiful in two ways. The first type of beauty is “an inward kind; it is sweet, kind, and selfless.” The second she describes as “something that causes people’s heads to turn as you walk by, and what makes boys want to talk to you.” She went on to describe physical beauty as long, straight hair, clear skin, and a thin body type. A 6th grader named Taylor says beauty is “something that makes you feel happy.” Both girls admitted to feeling pressured to dress a certain way, have a boyfriend, and wear makeup. At age 12, they feel pressure to wear makeup!
The concept of self-worth is misplaced in the current age we live in. There is no lasting value in boys' attention or turning heads as you walk through a room. Girls are truly beautiful because of who they are, not because of their outward appearance. That kind of beauty lasts through the fading years of time. Your value comes from the loveliness of your heart, for inner beauty is what really changes this world.
Who knew my encounter at a salon last week would have led me to such a fresh gauge on my heart? My burn allowed me to take a step back from my whirlwind of conceitedness. I needed the reminder that, despite my imperfections, I am valuable because of who I am. I am wonderfully designed and fearfully created by a God who planned something greater for my future than I could imagine. And the best part of my realization is it applies to you, too. You are not an accident or a mistake! Embrace your unique personality, and the quirky qualities which build your own brand of lovely.
(These little girls show me what beautiful on the inside is. Look at their smiles!)
If you’re reading this and you have been believing the lie that you are insufficient, listen to this:
You are created with a purpose. You are a treasure; you are worth more than rubies. You have the ability to touch people’s hearts and make a real difference in this world. Don’t ever give in to the falsehood of the culture. You are enough as you are. Vanity is fleeting, but a beautiful character is worthy to be treasured.
