For pretty much all of my life, I've had people tell me in some way or another that I needed to stand up for myself more and express my feelings. But for many people, finding a way to assert your stance on something or make your feelings known without feeling like they're being overbearing or pushy can be a bit of a challenge. Assertiveness, however, which is often seen as the fine line between passiveness and aggressiveness, can be an extremely useful and practical skill in one's life.

And in any relationship, whether between two people who are dating, family members, or friends, it can be damaging to hold in one's feelings, because it can contribute to resentment down the line.

Sometimes, people who aren't used to being assertive, myself included, worry that trying to stand up for themselves more will drive others away, or make people see them as aggressive or rude.

But assertiveness isn't aggressiveness. It's about being direct and honest.

There is, in fact, a formula that can be used when it comes to winning an argument or expressing how you feel about something.

Psychologists agree that when you are trying to express your feelings about something to another person, it's better to use "I" statements. For example, instead of saying "you always do this" or "you make me feel terrible", you could instead say "I feel bad when you do this." There are several reasons for this. One of them is that it takes the focus off the other person and puts it on you and your feelings, instead of making the other person feel like they are on the defensive.

Saying "no" is also something I've had trouble with. Somehow, whether subconsciously or as I was growing up, I, like a lot of other people, have it ingrained that you should be nice and polite to other people, and try to be open and accepting.

But saying no when you need to is an extremely important skill to have.

Something else I've learned throughout the years is to stop worrying quite so much about what other people think of you. No matter how nice or helpful you are, not everybody is going to like you. People may even dislike you for being "too nice". That's okay.

But being too nice can allow others to take advantage of you. Standing up for yourself, even though it may make you feel guilty or bad at first, can earn respect.

Overall, being more assertive and honest about your feelings can lead to happier, healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.