Developing A Friendship Before A Relationship Is SO Important

Developing A Friendship Before A Relationship Is SO Important

Why having a friendship is important before getting into a relationship.


Have you found yourself while in a relationship asking, "Have they always been like this?" "Were we ever supposed to be together?" or even "How did I not see this before?" Well, I sure have and I think most of us have! I truly believe that some of these questions could've been answered or even prevented if we would've taken the time to intentionally be friends before jumping into a relationship. I know having these questions/ concerns can be very frustrating and that is why I wanted to share with you a few simple reasons why creating a friendship before jumping into the relationship is so important.

When you are friends with someone, especially with someone that you are romantically interested in, you are able to witness first-hand how they treat their friends. The way someone treats their friends can give you an idea of how they treat the people they care about. How they treat friends and even their own family can also reveal a lot about someone's character. Someone's character is a huge thing you should take into consideration before getting into a relationship. So many times we have this idea of what they are like and then even fall for the person you created in your head, I am guilty of this myself. Often I have caught myself creating this picture of who they are as a person that fits right into what I may consider #relationshipgoals when in reality I haven't taken the time to actually understand this individual as the person they really are; I'm literally creating a relationship founded off of lies without it even starting yet.

When you take the time and put in the effort it requires to get to know a person, you may find things about them that you didn't know and those things may even create a bigger attraction to them. Now, in some other cases, getting to know each other gives you the chance to see you are actually attracted to the idea of a relationship but not necessarily with them. Friendship happens when you find someone who you share interests with and you then spend time together. It is almost like an initial click is happening between you both and that means they enjoy your company. You are already winning!

What often is even better is that there are fewer expectations within a friendship than there is when in a romantic relationship. I have personally found this to be such a plus! When you take the time to be around someone without that heavy feeling of pressure and expectation, it allows me to understand how they may act within a relationship without feeling obligated. You get to understand their behavior on instinct. In a relationship we want our significant other to listen to our problems and be there when something is wrong, listen to our problems, and just pay attention to us in general and it can really be frustrating when they aren't doing those things. When you have created a relationship that is founded on your friendship, no one is expecting you/them to care for you/them, but you both do it because you want too

When becoming friends with someone, we both start to experience each other in a very revealing light! We see each other's weirdest traits and that could be both a bad and a great thing. It varies from person to person. The idea of being yourself definitely goes with my following point of there is less pressure and fewer expectations because you are creating a sense of comfort between you both so if/when you are in a relationship with that person they have already excepted you for who you are and now attracted to all of what makes you-you. If you meet someone and just jump straight into the romance of things, you may find that both of you may be portraying only the best qualities of yourself and never showing your flaws. Because no one is perfect, leading with needing to be perfect just sets one up for disappointment and expecting a version of you that is not realistic.

A wonderful thing about being friends first, after getting to know them in a variety of ways, you have the opportunity to decide whether or not you actually want to pursue them romantically. Sometimes we go into a relationship and then later on realizing it was a mistake to take it that far because it was only meant to be and remain a friendship. Figuring out that you both are just meant to stay friends is such a free feeling! This also protects your heart especially and you still have a friendship. No one is left hurt to the point where you have to completely remove them from your life and you can just go about your life the way it has been. Now, if you decide to move forward into a relationship, then you aren't going in it completely blind and you know what you are getting into.

After reading these few reasons that I have provided, I don't want you to feel like your relationship is hopeless because you might not have started out this way, but feel encouraged to create a friendship within the relationship you are already in if you desire. I truly hope this was helpful!

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.

They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.


I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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