“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Ah, the Christmas and New Year's holiday season is upon us. Not a time that is my cup of tea, but I am tolerant of it. I'm not expressing myself as a Scrooge of the merry holidays, yet this time to my honesty may as well have me saying, "Bah, Humbug." Now to clarify, I didn't have the best, nor the worst, Xmas's, neither did I have a mountain and trench New Years. Sure, some were painful beyond my imagination that I couldn't apprehend, but that wasn't my problem. I didn't have the spirit or courage to express a paradigm of love. I mean, love for others, and this subject is a two-way street for every human being. Here's the deal, if you don't love others (even yourself) in the right ways, I guarantee that the consequences will become deadweight bondage. My mistake of raising the bar too high of my holiday euphoria became my immense downfall. I admit multiple faults in my past ideologies, I believed in the holiday romances and sharing a New Year's kiss and an intimate sexual relationship and so forth, I wanted the thrill of a rowdy, stirring high, the cup of booze raised to the roofs with circles of friends and family, and even the false belief of starting at square one in the new year. My goal here is not to bore you with my trivial problems, but to understand the commonality of hurt that occurs in this season, when you lie to yourself or to others about the holiday facade. It will rob you of your joy, your identity, and importantly the love that you were made for.

While most people in America today are fretting about getting the "perfect" holiday gifts and spending excessive amounts of money, there are those who are less fortunate, struggling just to receive food, warmth, and shelter. Now, there is nothing wrong with sacrificing time and money to loved ones, I do not detest the idea, quite frankly, I visualize the true gift as becoming the gift. To elaborate, there is a joy that springs up when you give to those in need. The Christmas zeal is donating one's resources and time to another. The old saying, "you reap what you sow" is generally universal in this season.

The other night I was strolling through the store looking for command strips to hang a frame in my home, exhausted and disgruntled that there weren't any in the aisle, I figured I'd buy a drink to calm my nerves and as I checked out and proceeded out of the store, I noticed a boy, probably eight or nine, on his bike, wearing a thin sweater, with a bag of groceries in his hand and I couldn't help but hurt. My walk back to my apartment in the icy cold was bittersweet. I sobbed as I gazed at the stars, hoping that the family or friend or recipient of the groceries would know how blessed they are. One simple act of kindness is all it takes to transform another person's holiday mood.

An individual's New Year's shouldn't be based on starting over again or having a clean slate. This ideology, I believe can be a detrimental focus to oneself, because it is setting up the individual to fail once more if he/she attempts to better themselves or do good deeds, the leeway to lie to oneself. On the other hand, the benefit of the doubt may just as well take its course. Maybe there is some miraculous effort to have a change of heart. My cleansing of bitterness during this season rooted from rock-bottom experiences. I believe that everybody at some point in their lives will experience or already have experienced the melancholia of life (apologies in advance, but reality is suffering is a part of living here), although the sufferings of life are elevating this winter, I believe that God will always be there with you, when the world and everyone else does not. God will be the rock that meets you with where you or any loved one may be experiencing. In addition, spend the holidays with somebody you love because the love a heavenly father is in you, and you have plenty to share.

Let love be the reason you emit a kindling joy to others, and in this way, you will love yourself more than you so thought. Take some time, telling somebody how much they mean in your lives, or donate to causes for the less fortunate, maybe go out of your way and do something outside of your natural comfort zone. Let you contribute works beyond measure. Those dearest to your heart are measured by experiences, not by mistakes or a popularity contest, rather your closest friend that will teach you to be selfless is right in front of you, staring back with a familiar smile, and a reflective image. You notice yourself no longer in the mirror, but Christmas, 2017, and overall, you notice Love. I can toast to that now, "here's to becoming love in the joy and in the pain and to friends and family alike, Merry Christmas and happy New Years."