Why is it that every time I'm upset or feeling down, my initial reaction to the question "How are you?" is to lie and say "Great! I've never been better." I can't help but fear the possibility of looking vulnerable to a close friend who I know would be so comforting and supportive if I had answered truthfully.
We have been raised in a generation that is obsessed with showing everyone how GREAT we're doing and how we are just SO HAPPY, even though we're not. When in reality, it's impossible to be happy 24/7 - and we know this. I think I hold back from opening up to others because I fear the idea of people knowing our struggles and evidently seeing us as lesser people.
I'm probably the biggest culprit of this concept. I recently ended a serious relationship and have been feeling the most vulnerable I've ever felt. You'd think I would turn to my supportive friends and family for comfort, but my fear of "looking weak" or "killing the mood" has held me back. I've even gone as far as avoiding telling close friends about the breakup to ensure that my "flawless" image of my life remains.
Crying in my room, playing sad music and scrolling through my camera roll had become an embarrassing routine for me. In hiding my pain from close friends and family, I've only felt more alone and confused about my life.
After I finally gained the courage to admit that I have in fact cried a few times since the age of two, I feel much stronger for it. I've also found that many of my friends have been through similar experiences and that I am not the only one with problems. Overcoming my fear and opening up about my struggles has brought me so much closer to friends and to also help me understand them better. It's easy to assume that you're the only one struggling, but we can't possibly know what other people are going through, so why do we assume that we do?
In putting up a wall between myself and my friends and family, I tend to forget that we're human and it is OK to not be ok. I've gained much more respect for people who are honest, and confident enough to show their vulnerability in trying times. I believe it requires much more courage to show qualities that humanize us, rather than pretending to be perfect.
You probably won't see me venting to strangers, but I am a little more hesitant to answer a close friend's "how are you?" with "good!" and I think I'm OK with that.
