More than 350 million people of all ages in the world deal with depression every single day. Another 1.5 percent of the U.S. population has to deal with anxiety on a daily basis. When you look at those statistics and put them both together, you realize that there are actually a lot of people who suffer from these mental illnesses and most of us don’t even know it.
Most people don’t really understand what depression and anxiety are. They think it’s maybe being moody or just being shy or nervous. It’s actually quite difficult to put to words exactly how it feels to deal with depression and anxiety, but I want to try and help to maybe make these struggles a bit more understandable to those who don’t have to deal with it.
Waking up with depression means opening your eyes and not wanting to get out of bed because you don’t want to have to deal with other people. It’s contemplating whether or not you even need to go about your day because all you really want to do is lie in bed and do nothing. It’s not because you’re lazy, you just don’t have any feelings of motivation to do even the things you once looked forward to doing.
Waking up with anxiety is worrying about how all the dumb stuff you did yesterday is going to affect you today. It’s having mini-fits of freaking out over the different people you’re going to have to talk to and proceeding to plan out every conversation in your head just right, but also knowing deep inside that it’s probably not going to work out that way. It’s always needing assurance from other people that they like you or that everything is OK between you.
Waking up with both anxiety and depression is not wanting to get out of bed because you don’t want to deal with people but worrying that people will think you’re lazy if you don’t come outside. It’s not caring what people think because you’re tired of caring but still caring insanely about what people think because you’re worried about how people perceive you. It putting on a smile and laughing with everyone else while on the inside you only want to go home and cry. It’s wishing that you could open up about it to someone but worrying that they won’t like you anymore or feeling like they won’t care. It’s a daily battle between you and yourself with no one ever winning. It’s having days where you wake up feeling like a normal person and having a pretty great day and then the next day waking up wishing you had passed in your sleep. It’s having days where the day starts off well, but by halfway through it, you’re so done with life you can barely tolerate the people you once did. It’s people always telling you how outgoing you are and how happy they think you always are but knowing on the inside that it’s all a front. It’s sometimes waking up feeling so numb you have to pinch yourself to know you’re alive.
Living with depression and anxiety is living in a world full of vibrant color but only being able to see it in vibrant shades of gray. Although this does not describe everyone who lives with depression, anxiety or both, it describes me and maybe some others as well. It’s not always easy to spot someone who lives this way, but it’s helpful to be understanding of maybe any friends or family you have that do have to deal with this on the daily.
