Nothing says "Merry Christmas" to someone you don't love like a bad present. Bad presents are normally classified as a re-gifted figurine, a gift card to Hardee's, or a fruit cake. But this Christmas, we're taking presents to an entirely new level. These presents can only be used on that sister-in-law who won't discipline her kids at your house, that cousin that always one-ups your stories, that uncle that always gives you socks or that mother that you could just never please. Good luck, shoppers, and Merry Christmas.
1. Jelly of the Month Club
Nothing says "fu*k you" like a present of various assorted jellies. It's even better if you sign them up for a year-long supply, so they can be reminded of how little you care every month. Anyone who's seen "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" knows this is true and is totally going to bank on this idea.
2. Give them free stuff.
Not only is re-gifting a prime way to get on a hate list, but it's even better to re-gift things you got for free. I'm not talking about that sweater grandma gave you that you didn't know where to return it so you plan on giving it out this year; no, no, I'm talking about actual free things! Items like Planned Parenthood condoms, coupons, matches, breath mints, etc. You could even throw in some lawn clippings if your lawn has recently been trimmed as a confetti base of your present for some dazzle!
3. Food opposing their dietary choices
I'm not saying if your cousin has a peanut allergy you should poison them -- too far. But every family has that one vegan or vegetarian that makes cooking for family reunions super hard. That person deserves a Hickory Farms gift basket, filled with assorted meats and cheeses.
4. Self-help guides
Self-help guides are the perfect passive-aggressive present. Not only are you going to tell them to change their lifestyle, but you can totally jab at that grandparent that simply can't cook by getting them "Cooking for Dummies." It'll be so beneficial: They either never cook for you again or they learn some tips! You can't lose with this gift.
Worst comes to worst, you can always just give them back the present they gave you last year! But use your creativity here, people. There are plenty more options if you use your imagination. Your imagination that's connected to your Grinch-like soul.
