How To Get Banned From The Internet

How To Get Banned From The Internet

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There are places on the World Wide Web where you definitely should not go. This is one of them.

Wikipedia describes Banhammer as “a satirical term for the power wielded by an administrator to ban or block users of internet forums, wikis, online games, or other internet media."

The internet's beloved (hated) Urban Dictionary tells us that Banhammer is “a symbol of violence and imaginary power over others, used by peniley-challenged jerks, at websites, to make themselves feel better about being so inadequate, and unliked by anybody."

In reality you don’t know what the Banhammer feels like until you meet it. It smacks hard and has an ugly smirk on its face. Users of Reddit, Voat, 4chan, and other sites for people without a lives will know what I am talking about.


But what if I were to tell you that there exists a community whose sole purpose is to Banhammer people? What if I were to tell you that users go online to get Banhammer and enjoy it? Well, we are browsing the net, so we know that anything can happen.

Add to that—what is a “Soapbox” or “Soap Box?" It’s a box you stand on when you give a speech. How does it combine with Banhammer? Easy.

Voat.co/v/soapboxbanhammer is a community built on bans, for bans, by bans and does that very thing – bans. The description of the community reads:

Post anything on your mind, we DGAF. Bans are earned, or aren't. We don't care. But you will eventually be banned for an indiscriminate amount of time. These times can be from a few minutes, or permahammer in special cases.


I’ve been there for a while now and have over twenty submissions. The longest time I’ve been banned for? 24 hours. That’s not even close to what some people get.

Rumor has it – longest ban that happens here has been for 120 days!

But why would you want to get banned? What is the joy? Simple. You make a post. It can be obscene – most of them are. Or not. Of the top ten posts on /v/soapboxbanhammer, three are in no way offensive, the others are, and six of them use obscene language. We are on the Internet, remember? So, you make a post. And you get banned. You feel a reaction to what you said! You feel that you threw a rock at a big giant and he threw it back! You feel important! It’s something like getting arrested for doing graffiti - when the system breaks you, it means that you were worth breaking!

Also, the randomness adds to the fun. You might never get “caught"-- or you can get banned after your first post. This community is a great place to throw anything you have at a giant fan and see it fly around.

This is just one of the examples of why the Internet is a great place. The internet has place for everything, and if you can have a website dedicated to cat pics, why not have a page dedicated to over-abusing admin powers? And so, there it is, with over 600 users and growing. Long live the net.

I must say that /v/soapboxbanhammer is not the only place like this. There is also the newly created /r/soapboxbanhammer on Reddit (although it was created by mods from /v/ - who, as the story goes, banned themselves as a joke and then found out that they could not un-ban themselves and thus had to move to Reddit).

Also important – beware, in the real world there is a strong person wielding a Banhammar. Luckily for us, he spends most of his time protecting this world as one of the members of Th Avengers. Yay.



Cover Image Credit: The Red

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The Trump Presidency Is Over

Say hello to President Mike Pence.

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Remember this date: August 21, 2018.

This was the day that two of President Donald Trump's most-important associates were convicted on eight counts each, and one directly implicated the president himself.

Paul Manafort was Trump's campaign chairman for a few months in 2016, but the charges brought against him don't necessarily implicate Trump. However, they are incredibly important considering was is one of the most influential people in the Trump campaign and picked Mike Pence to be the vice presidential candidate.

Manafort was convicted on five counts of tax fraud, two counts of bank fraud, and one count of failure to file a report of a foreign bank account. And it could have been even worse. The jury was only unanimous on eight counts while 10 counts were declared a mistrial.

Michael Cohen, Trump's personal lawyer, told a judge that Trump explicitly instructed him to break campaign-finance laws by paying two women not to publicly disclose the affairs they had with Trump. Those two women are believed to be Karen McDougal, a Playboy model, and Stormy Daniels, a pornstar. Trump had an affair with both while married to his current wife, Melania.

And then to no surprise, Fox News pundits spun this in the only way they know how. Sara Carter on Hannity said that the FBI and the Department of Justice are colluding as if it's some sort of deep-state conspiracy. Does someone want to tell her that the FBI is literally a part of the DOJ?

The Republican Party has for too long let Trump get away with criminal behavior, and it's long past time to, at the very least, remove Mr. Trump from office.

And then Trump should face the consequences for the crimes he has committed. Yes, Democrats have a role, too. But Republicans have control of both chambers of Congress, so they head every committee. They have the power to subpoena Trump's tax returns, which they have not. They have the power to subpoena key witnesses in their Russia investigations, which they have not.

For the better part of a year I have been asking myself what is the breaking point with Republicans and Trump. It does not seem like there is one, so for the time being we're stuck with a president who paid off two women he had an affair with in an attempt to influence a United States election.

Imagine for a second that any past president had done even a fraction of what Trump has.

Barack Obama got eviscerated for wearing a tan suit. If he had affairs with multiple women, then Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell would be preparing to burn him at the stake. If they won't, then Trump's enthusiastic would be more than happy to do so.

For too long we've been saying that Trump is heading down a road similar to Nixon, but it's evident now that we're way past that point. Donald Trump now has incriminating evidence against him to prove he's a criminal, and Special Counsel Robert Mueller is just getting started.

Will Trump soften the blow and resign in disgrace before impeachment like Nixon did? Knowing his fragile ego, there's honestly no telling what he'll do. But it's high time Trump leaves an office he never should have entered in the first place.

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Papa, It's Been One Month Since You've Been Gone, But Not One Day Goes By Without Thinking Of You

You shined such a bright light on this world.

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On August 10, 2018, I received some of the hardest news I have ever had to. I was told that my papa had passed away, and I was a mess. I had never had to deal with anything like this before, so I didn't know what to do. For the longest time, and still every now and then I can hear my mom's voice in my head telling me he had passed away. When I saw her name on my phone, I had a feeling what the phone call was about, but it still wasn't enough to prepare me to deal with this.

I went home for that week and was able to spend my time with people who loved me and were going through the exact same thing. It was nice to be surrounded by my family and in a place with so much love for one of the greatest men I have ever known. The hardest part was thinking all week that I just had to finish up my summer classes wait a few days then I was going to be at home and I was going to see him again, then that is not how it went at all. I never got that one last time, I had no idea that when I said goodbye in June/July, that it was really going to be goodbye.

Here I am a month into my second year of college and going through it wanting to talk to my papa one last time and tell him what I should have said a long time ago, so here it goes:

Papa,

I love you so much, you were so strong for all of us when we were trying to be strong for you. Ever since you were diagnosed with cancer, all I have ever wanted was for you to be happy and at peace with it all. And now you are. You are not in pain anymore, you are not hanging on for us anymore, you are doing what you want with a God who loves you so much. I still feel like you should be here and there are so many things I wanted you to be here for, but I know that you are always watching over us, even as I am typing this. You loved and cared for our family for so long and now you are with a God who will love and care for you forever.

A day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about you and the light you brought to the world, and I love you so much for that. You made me smile every time I saw you, even if you weren't having a good day. Even in the midst of all of your pain, you put us first and did so much so we would be left with all of these great memories with you. I am so grateful to have grown up with a papa like you.

I love you and I miss you.

Love,

Shelby

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