You know who you are. You know what a foul is, you’ve gone to your college’s games, you scream when someone scores even if it’s the wrong team, but at the end of the day, you couldn’t care less about basketball. But during this time of year, in the heat of March Madness, how could you hate basketball? It’s constantly on television and the more highly-basketball-educated population will not stop talking about the "crazy 12 over 5 upset," whatever that means. But have no fear fellow bandwagon March Madness fans, I have your starter kit.
1. You need a bracket.
OK, if you don’t know what this is, Google it; you need to have one. It may be the most important part of March Madness. Having a semi-decent bracket is how you gain respect in the eyes of actual basketball fans. Shout out to ranking numbers next to teams, otherwise, our kind would be so lost.
2. You need a strategy.
As a tribute to my mom, who makes her picks based on which uniform she likes better, you need a strategy. Like I mentioned before, you could always make your picks based on the ranking of each team. But, if that’s too boring, I’ve run into the following people: those who picked where they want to live compared to the other choice, who had the hottest captain, what name they liked better and whose mascot they like more.
3. You need lots of TVs.
May that be your favorite bar, Buffalo Wild Wings, or just your living room, the fun of March Madness isn’t just about winning (or losing) in your bracket, it’s about the hype of the games and actually watching them. You might have no idea what’s going on, but at least it gives you an excuse to stay in your pajamas and watch TV while drinking beer on a Thursday as the rest of the world works.
4. You need provisions.
Everyone knows that the best part about watching sports is the snacks. High calories, lite beer, comfy couch, sweatpants—you’re good.
5. You need one friend who actually cares.
While experiencing the madness of March Madness, you need at least one friend who is in 25 different pools where they put their bracket against others, clearly did his research and acts as if the result of the championship game is deciding factor between life and death. They may or may not throw tantrums should their team lose, and they might not be the best person to hang out with if you’re looking to have a relaxing day watching basketball, but in the very least, these people are wildly entertaining and helpful to have by your side.
May the upsets be ever in your favor, my friends.
