For a lot of my life, I've been told it's odd that I happily call my step-father "Dad" as well as my real father, but for my entire life (that I can remember), that's what he's been to me. A dad. He wasn't any better or worse a parent than my real dad. He yelled at me just like my mom and dad. He's grounded me, given me gas money when my car was on empty, and hugged me while I cried on multiple occasions.
It always warms my heart seeing other split families co-parenting successfully after one of the parents marries a new person. But recently, it's dawned on me that it shouldn't especially warm my heart or be surprising that a parent is parenting. When most people marry another person with kids, they are willingly taking on the family and consciously adopting the role of being a step-parent. You marry the entire family, not just the woman or man.
I know I lucked out growing up, and my sisters did too. I know that some step parent situations can suck and that not everyone's significant other is kind to their children, and I have experienced that. But I have seen just as many crappy biological parents as I have step parents or parental figures.
Too many times I hear that a person disliked their step parent because they were selfish or took their other parent away from them. I hear of step-parents hurting a child or not loving them as much as they love their own. If a parent and a step parent divorce, you will often notice they kind of just drop out of the children's lives like they never impacted them. The bad step parents do not make up the entire population of step parents, though.
It takes a truly special person to have the guts to step up to the plate. When kids' parents are not together but both have a prominent role in their life, a good step parent will not try to replace the spot of their other parent. They will create their own spot. My older sisters have a different father than I do, and when he died they were devastated, but they weren't fatherless. Our step-dad was still there.
Blood may be thicker than water in many cases, but I don't think it necessarily means you need blood to have family. My step-dad never treated my sisters and I like we weren't his kids. He never failed to take responsibility for us. He never half-assed anything when it came to parenting us.
I owe a huge deal of who I am today to my step-father. I would not be the same person I am without his guidance growing up, and he wouldn't be the same person if he didn't have me, just like my mom and dad would be completely different without me. All three of my parents have important roles in my life.
I don't think either of my dads realize how highly I think of them. They don't see how lucky I am to have each of them. I have two daddies to be silly with. Two daddies to beat up boys who hurt me. Two daddies to teach me about cars. And most importantly, two daddies to heighten the standards that I hold my boyfriend to.
Kids who have more than two traditional parents to care for them and be there for them are truly blessed. I am not being boastful, I am simply humbled by this. I can only hope that if my future husband and I don't work out that our kids will be loved and cherished by a step mother or father like I am.
To my mom and dads: thanks for being the greatest parents ever.
To everyone else: appreciate your kids, appreciate your significant other's kids, appreciate your parents, and most of all, spread some love.
