Sex Isn’t That Great—It's Pretty F*Cking Awkward

Sex Isn’t That Great—It's Pretty F*Cking Awkward

Let's be real, screw screwing.

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Whether you're getting laid, making love or just using your hand, we all know the painful truth - sex isn't worth the hype it's given. Maybe it's just me or maybe it's because of college culture but the idea of being pounded doesn't pound through my mind.

I get it, everyone wants that orgasm. The big O.

You know the one I'm talking about, the ones you see on TV. No one is going to deny the chance to have a life-changing orgasm, I mean we all have to satisfy our animal needs somehow.

However, let's all be real here, those life-changing moments are few and far between. Those sexy times our parents covered our eyes for in movies are not what real life is like and frankly, real sex is usually awkward.

Even in longterm relationships, where you know each other's bodies, the moment sometimes seems strange. Every once in a while you just can't climax and while an orgasm isn't the end goal for all, we all know the primal reason for sex is to reach that leg shaking moment.

Now, let's talk about that spicy sex.

That's sex with toys. Anyone who's walked into a sex store or watched porn knows there are approximately a million toys to be used in bed. From anal beads to cock rings, it's all fun and does help create those wonderful sensations we're all looking for.

Somehow the situation still isn't as great as it may seem on the big screen. There that awkward moment of asking to use those items, buying those items and figuring out what those items really do and really is that end goal worth that money and hassle?

Now I know what you're thinking:

Clearly, this lady hasn't had good sex.

Maybe I haven't but also, maybe I'm just honest. I've had great sex and I've had horrible sex but all in all it was pretty much the same. I've had those hookups and I've been in a long-term relationship and while there is a difference between those two, still the sex is not worth the hype.

You're also thinking that if I find it awkward to buy sex toys, I shouldn't be having sex or using toys. We both know that it was strange buying a vibrator for the first time. We've all been young and adventurous. So now let's start being honest about sex.

Future employers and parents, I'm sorry if all this scares you but we all know it's true. Let's be real with our kids and remember safe sex is the best sex!

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I Blame My Dad For My High Expectations

Dad, it's all your fault.
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I always tell my dad that no matter who I date, he's always my number one guy. Sometimes I say it as more of a routine thing. However, the meaning behind it is all too real. For as long as I can remember my dad has been my one true love, and it's going to be hard to find someone who can top him.

My dad loves me when I am difficult. He knows how to keep the perfect distance on the days when I'm in a mood, how to hold me on the days that are tough, and how to stand by me on the days that are good.

He listens to me rant for hours over people, my days at school, or the episode of 'Grey's Anatomy' I watched that night and never once loses interest.

He picks on me about my hair, outfit, shoes, and everything else after spending hours to get ready only to end by telling me, “You look good." And I know he means it.

He holds the door for me, carries my bags for me, and always buys my food. He goes out of his way to make me smile when he sees that I'm upset. He calls me randomly during the day to see how I'm doing and how my day is going and drops everything to answer the phone when I call.

When it comes to other people, my dad has a heart of gold. He will do anything for anyone, even his worst enemy. He will smile at strangers and compliment people he barely knows. He will strike up a conversation with anyone, even if it means going way out of his way, and he will always put himself last.

My dad also knows when to give tough love. He knows how to make me respect him without having to ask for it or enforce it. He knows how to make me want to be a better person just to make him proud. He has molded me into who I am today without ever pushing me too hard. He knew the exact times I needed to be reminded who I was.

Dad, you have my respect, trust, but most of all my heart. You have impacted my life most of all, and for that, I can never repay you. Without you, I wouldn't know what I to look for when I finally begin to search for who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but it might take some time to find someone who measures up to you.

To my future husband, I'm sorry. You have some huge shoes to fill, and most of all, I hope you can cook.

Cover Image Credit: Logan Photography

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To The Boy I’ve Been Dating Since I Was 15, I Always Knew You Were My Forever

Thank you for showing me love when I thought I didn't deserve any.

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Hey you,

People assumed our "fling" would only last a few short months. It's what everyone assumes when your first love happens during your sophomore year of high school. Yet here we stand, three and a half years later, more together than we've ever been. Although we've had our ups and downs, we still managed to keep our relationship going and to remember why we're together in the first place.

Many say loving isn't easy, but you make it a walk in the park.

You respect me in more ways than one, and you make me feel beautiful, inside and out. For a long time, I never noticed the beauty and strength I have within myself. I didn't see what others would point out to me, and at times I still find it hard to acknowledge my worth. However, you came into my life at a time when I felt I had no one, and you helped me to see all I have to offer. You helped me to open my mind to the thought of loving myself for who I am, and although the road is long and I'm not completely there, you've made me see how worthy of love I truly am.

Having you as my best friend, along with being my boyfriend, is the most rewarding feeling in the world.

I think the reason we rarely fight or stay angry with each other is that we truly are best friends. We could spend all of our time in deep conversation about any topic in the world and still feel engaged and ready to hear more from one another. Every single day I learn something new about you and vice versa. We can be ourselves in each other's presence and have fun doing absolutely nothing exciting. I am easily annoyed by a lot of things, but you are not one of them. Being with you for hours, even if we just watch TV the entire time, never gets repetitive or boring.

You treated me with the respect I deserved before I even realized I was worthy of it.

In many ways, I don't respect myself. Whether it be body image or letting "friends" walk all over me, I let many thoughts and people control my life. You, however, were the saving grace I needed. You've shown me how I deserve to be treated and how I should think of myself. Often I wonder how I got so lucky to end up with someone who loves me unconditionally and who values everything I have to offer. I say all the time that I don't deserve your heart, your kindness, your love, but you always remind me that I do. And I'm starting to realize that you're right; I deserve every bit of love, kindness, and respect that you have to offer. I can only hope that I award you with the same love and selflessness you give me every single day.

Three and a half years with someone may seem extremely long, but I feel as though we've been together a lifetime. It's hard to remember a time when you weren't right there beside me, and I would never want to imagine a future without you in it. There are so many more laughs, adventures, and memories to be made with you, and I only hope that I can be at least half of the person you are.

Thank you for pulling me out of the darkness. Today, tomorrow, and always.

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