Sex Isn’t That Great—It's Pretty F*Cking Awkward

Sex Isn’t That Great—It's Pretty F*Cking Awkward

Let's be real, screw screwing.

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Whether you're getting laid, making love or just using your hand, we all know the painful truth - sex isn't worth the hype it's given. Maybe it's just me or maybe it's because of college culture but the idea of being pounded doesn't pound through my mind.

I get it, everyone wants that orgasm. The big O.

You know the one I'm talking about, the ones you see on TV. No one is going to deny the chance to have a life-changing orgasm, I mean we all have to satisfy our animal needs somehow.

However, let's all be real here, those life-changing moments are few and far between. Those sexy times our parents covered our eyes for in movies are not what real life is like and frankly, real sex is usually awkward.

Even in longterm relationships, where you know each other's bodies, the moment sometimes seems strange. Every once in a while you just can't climax and while an orgasm isn't the end goal for all, we all know the primal reason for sex is to reach that leg shaking moment.

Now, let's talk about that spicy sex.

That's sex with toys. Anyone who's walked into a sex store or watched porn knows there are approximately a million toys to be used in bed. From anal beads to cock rings, it's all fun and does help create those wonderful sensations we're all looking for.

Somehow the situation still isn't as great as it may seem on the big screen. There that awkward moment of asking to use those items, buying those items and figuring out what those items really do and really is that end goal worth that money and hassle?

Now I know what you're thinking:

Clearly, this lady hasn't had good sex.

Maybe I haven't but also, maybe I'm just honest. I've had great sex and I've had horrible sex but all in all it was pretty much the same. I've had those hookups and I've been in a long-term relationship and while there is a difference between those two, still the sex is not worth the hype.

You're also thinking that if I find it awkward to buy sex toys, I shouldn't be having sex or using toys. We both know that it was strange buying a vibrator for the first time. We've all been young and adventurous. So now let's start being honest about sex.

Future employers and parents, I'm sorry if all this scares you but we all know it's true. Let's be real with our kids and remember safe sex is the best sex!

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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The Internet’s Infatuation With 'Soft Boys' Needs To Stop

Quick, (before he ghosts you), let me know if this boy sounds familiar!

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You know he exists. Your girlfriends have told you whisperings. He's lurking nearby. It's…the softboy. The one who civilly slides into your DMs because he would love to hear your thoughts on philosophy, literature, or his vinyl collection.

Okay, sorry, backing up. In order to understand what a softboy is, you must know some history. Internet 101 is in session. No need to silence your cell.

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In the past few years, society has finally come up with a word for a male sl*t: a f*ckboy! In case you don't know this slang, a f*ckboy is a male who is strictly into sexual relationships facilitated by manipulation. You know, the kind of shallow guy who sends unprompted pictures of his genitals. He is typically seen with "his boys" because bros come before h*es. A f*ckboy will tell you that "you're not like the other girls"; this is supposed to be a compliment because he doesn't have any respect for other girls. Quick, (before he ghosts you), let me know if this boy sounds familiar!

Well, ladies and gents, we have a new monster on our hands. Or, rather, the same monster in a sheepskin disguise: the softboy!

The softboy Internet craze is a new trend, created as a seeming pendulum swing from the overt dirt-baggery of the infamous f*ckboy. Finally, American culture has a backlash against obvious jerks! …Only to be replaced by the same guy, but this time, in Doc Martins.

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They are imitations of the adorkable, lanky white boys of the month on Twitter such as Noah Centineo, Cole Sprouse, Timothee Chalamet, and Troye Sivan – the guys who are not afraid to express their feminine side in their emotional art. Young people adore them for their androgynous beauty and progressive sweetness. In turn, normal guys impersonate these famous people in hopes of receiving that same adoration from women.

However, what these imitators, these softboys, lack is the authenticity of the guys they're trying hard to look like. It's a façade to get in others' pants. He regurgitates whatever you want to hear and will use that to sleep with you before he moves on to "deal with his journey as a flaneur". Whether you're dealing with a f*ckboy or a softboy, they're both manipulating others based on what they think they like. And manipulation is wrong.

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Let me argue further, whereas an out-and-proud f*ckboy will wear a tank-top and listen to SoundCloud rappers, the softboy prefers a thrifted sweater while listening to indie music and calling all other tunes "trash". You know, because he is sensitive.

Whereas a f*ckboy half-jokes about being a meninist, the softboy respects women too much to pay for anything, ever. He calls himself a feminist, utilizing the label to his advantage. The softboy knows he's not going to make any girl swoon by being a total misogynist, so he plays the antithesis. But as soon as the situation gets ugly, he will show his real philosophy, with his patronizing voice calling you a derogatory name when something doesn't go his way.

Everything a softboy does is a ploy, (so convincing, that he may even believe these things about himself). He completes this performance to demonstrate to you that he's the good note in the noise. And that's why you have to be wary of him.

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