Getting through one of those days with hope

We All Have Those Days, But We All Have Choices

They are all a part of God's Plan.

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We all go through these phases of grief where we feel as though something isn't quite right. Maybe it is a relationship, family life, work life, a gut feeling, or maybe it is everything coming at you all at once. Human beings are unstoppable forces which can conquer all they encounter… but at the same time… they all have those days.

You know the days I am talking about. Where you feel like everything is against you. You have no escape, and everyone expects you to do things their way. You have no voice, no vision, no focus. Rolling yourself into a cocoon and wrapping yourself into a blanket sounds like the safest place in the world. Anxiety, depression, irritability, they are the most frequently used words in your vocabulary and you just continue this vicious cycle. We are beings of our own creation and there is no fault or blame to pin on anyone. Here is the reality…

We can't do it all.

We can't expect it all.

But we CAN have it all.

When I say this, I don't mean all that we see ourselves wanting. I mean all of what life has designed for us. Everything comes with a purpose and everyone who has fallen into our lives will drive us to the next stage of where we need to be. There are no coincidences, no accidental truths. There is love in its purest form which will overtake our rationality within a split second and convince us to make choices which were meant to be made. No right and wrong. They are choices.

It is as if you are driving from one end of the country to the other and you make the wrong turn and then your phone dies. You begin to get overwhelmed because you have no idea where you are or where you have to go. It that moment you are given 3 options.

1. You can shut down completely, park your car, and just wait for a lonely hitchhiker to guide you to where you need to go.

2. You can turn around and head back to safe ground where you know what to expect.

3. You can fight like hell for what you want, by seeking help, and not backing down when something goes wrong.

Now guess which one of those opinions most people take…

We naturally like to get advice from others because then we can blame them if we end up not liking it. If you are at the store and you can't decide what shade of lipstick to get or what flavor gum, you will probably ask some stranger for their opinion. Then if it doesn't work out? No big deal - because it was a stranger saying it so who cares what they thought. That is the mentality we have gained which drives us away from deciding for ourselves.

We have these voices in our head which empower our judgment. "One more minute" "One more episode" "One more bite" "One more drink" "One more pill."

When is the one more enough?

When will we stop listening to the impulse in the back of our head and learn that enough is enough? If you want a change, you have to set out for change. Sitting in a room with toxic people and claiming "I'll give them one more chance" when they have not changed is not healthy… it is torture. How do we expect change when we keep going along with the cycle and not correcting what is going on? We can't keep sitting back and expecting the cycle to fix itself under this idea we have created that we want to change, but we want it our way. It doesn't work like that.

I am born a Taurus and I am as stubborn and hard-headed as they come. You tell me I can't and that is all the motivation I need to prove you wrong. I was head of my high school broadcast team and yearbook and made a career from it. I am currently working the role of an adult and I haven't even finished my growth sprout. I was a female wrestler, in MMA and Ju-Jitsu while I weigh no more than 101 lbs. I have national, state, and local awards which could fill a newspaper if I began to write them all out. My resume makes me look like the most polished and put together human on this planet. And what most people don't know… every one of those is driven by the words "you can't." It is funny because it strengthens me to prove people wrong. I do not break the law or challenge my safety. But I allow myself to know that I have control over my life and I can achieve the impossible. Success can only come from failure and it is weird to think about, but when you are willing to fail, you understand how rewarding success truly is.

There could be the number 6 written on the ground and two people standing on opposite ends reading it off. They can argue till the cows come home that it is a 6 or it is a 9, but the fact of the matter is that it is whatever you see when you are in the situation. No one else can see your life the way you see it so what is the sense in arguing if at the end of the day you are both right and both wrong. We argue because we want to feel superior when in reality we should learn to talk as equals and understand the other person's side of things.

I have been in a relationship for over a year in a half with a boy who has made me smile, laugh, cry, and can aggravate me faster than anyone. With that being said... he is a Leo… and I am a Taurus. We put the two most stubborn signs together and acted like it wouldn't cause conflict. Boy that was a mistake... We fight like cats and dogs, always trying to prove our rightness and find blame in the other partner.

The other night I said something to him and his response made me realize why I fell for him in the first place. I said we can't live fake happy lives and things have to get worse before they get good, that things will not get fixed if we don't figure it out right here, right now, and draw out a plan on how to move forward. He pulled over his rusted '97 Chevy S10, put it in park, and placed both my hands in his and giggled. Of course, that just aggravated me more and he sat silently while smiling, letting me throw a tantrum on how he didn't care about my feelings. Then when I finished, he placed my hands in his again and said, "I would rather have you like this every day than lose you all together and this will work."

I thought he was just high or insane or delusional and then he finished his statement. He said:

"We don't argue because we are mad, we argue because we see the real us and it is terrifying. We care too much about each other to not point out the flaws. We challenge each other to grow and understand ourselves better than ever before. We are in each other's lives for a reason and I trust in God enough to know he sent me this perfect girl and my job is to protect you and help you realize your worth. This is all a part of God's plan and I am no longer worried about what the future holds for me because I know he will protect you from harm. I know the good guy never wins, but the good man can take on whatever life throws at him and then some. The way you look at me tells me everything I need to hear it is the sole reason that I will never give up. You love me even when you hate me. You can decide to walk away or stand next to me and I will respect your decision and love you unconditionally as long as you know it is what you want. Don't let people pressure you anymore or tell you what you have to do. I took control of my life and I suffer any consequences because I know I am responsible for my own happiness. You are so strong, but it is okay to fall apart once in a while. I will change for the better, but if we are in this, we have to be in it holding hands as best friends, not throwing them as enemies."

Now how do I say anything to that…

He is exactly right. We can't solve things overnight, nor can we by finding ways to argue. People have triggers and oh boy my list is long and brutal. But when you think about it, there is no reason to be upset when you have control over your own being. There is no reason to cry over things you can't control. There is no reason to strain that beautiful voice that God gave you to prove a point which is seen so differently to each person.

Mechanics need each other for a system to function. We need those we surround ourselves with to learn to grow and find OUR function. Stop praying that you get what you want and pray for wisdom and guidance for what you need. Only then will you eliminate "those days" and learn to love life through the eyes of a child and spread positivity like an infection. We tend to grieve to our loved ones and don't really take a step back and realize what constant bickering turns us into. Yes, we want change to make us happy, but it won't change by dwelling on the negativity of the past. Time is the only cure and there is no point in wasting it when it is so limited. Love yourself, love those around you, and remember that God has a plan… just trust who you are and have faith that there is always a brighter tomorrow.

Cover Image Credit:

Nico Ray

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To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.

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To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

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In Real Life, 'Plus Size' Means A Size 16 And Up, Not Just Women Who Are Size 8's With Big Breasts

The media needs to understand this, and give recognition to actual plus-size women.

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Recently, a British reality dating TV show called "Love Island" introduced that a plus-sized model would be in the season five lineup of contestants. This decision was made after the show was called out for not having enough diversity in its contestants. However, the internet was quick to point out that this "plus-size model" is not an accurate representation of the plus-size community.


@abidickson01 on twitter.com


Anna Vakili, plus-size model and "Love Island "Season 5 Contestant Yahoo UK News

It is so frustrating that the media picks and chooses women that are the "ideal" version of plus sized. In the fashion world, plus-size starts at size 8. EIGHT. In real life, plus-size women are women who are size 16 and up. Plunkett Research, a marketing research company, estimated in 2018 that 68% of women in America wear a size 16 to 18. This is a vast difference to what we are being told by the media. Just because a woman is curvy and has big breasts, does NOT mean that they are plus size. Marketing teams for television shows, magazines, and other forms of media need to realize that the industry's idea of plus size is not proportionate to reality.

I am all for inclusion, but I also recognize that in order for inclusion to actually happen, it needs to be accurate.

"Love Island" is not the only culprit of being unrealistic in woman's sizes, and I don't fully blame them for this choice. I think this is a perfect example of the unrealistic expectations that our society puts on women. When the media tells the world that expectations are vastly different from reality, it causes women to internalize that message and compare themselves to these unrealistic standards.

By bringing the truth to the public, it allows women to know that they should not compare themselves and feel bad about themselves. Everyone is beautiful. Picking and choosing the "ideal" woman or the "ideal" plus-size woman is completely deceitful. We as a society need to do better.

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