We All Have Those Days, But We All Have Choices

We All Have Those Days, But We All Have Choices

They are all a part of God's Plan.

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We all go through these phases of grief where we feel as though something isn't quite right. Maybe it is a relationship, family life, work life, a gut feeling, or maybe it is everything coming at you all at once. Human beings are unstoppable forces which can conquer all they encounter… but at the same time… they all have those days.

You know the days I am talking about. Where you feel like everything is against you. You have no escape, and everyone expects you to do things their way. You have no voice, no vision, no focus. Rolling yourself into a cocoon and wrapping yourself into a blanket sounds like the safest place in the world. Anxiety, depression, irritability, they are the most frequently used words in your vocabulary and you just continue this vicious cycle. We are beings of our own creation and there is no fault or blame to pin on anyone. Here is the reality…

We can't do it all.

We can't expect it all.

But we CAN have it all.

When I say this, I don't mean all that we see ourselves wanting. I mean all of what life has designed for us. Everything comes with a purpose and everyone who has fallen into our lives will drive us to the next stage of where we need to be. There are no coincidences, no accidental truths. There is love in its purest form which will overtake our rationality within a split second and convince us to make choices which were meant to be made. No right and wrong. They are choices.

It is as if you are driving from one end of the country to the other and you make the wrong turn and then your phone dies. You begin to get overwhelmed because you have no idea where you are or where you have to go. It that moment you are given 3 options.

1. You can shut down completely, park your car, and just wait for a lonely hitchhiker to guide you to where you need to go.

2. You can turn around and head back to safe ground where you know what to expect.

3. You can fight like hell for what you want, by seeking help, and not backing down when something goes wrong.

Now guess which one of those opinions most people take…

We naturally like to get advice from others because then we can blame them if we end up not liking it. If you are at the store and you can't decide what shade of lipstick to get or what flavor gum, you will probably ask some stranger for their opinion. Then if it doesn't work out? No big deal - because it was a stranger saying it so who cares what they thought. That is the mentality we have gained which drives us away from deciding for ourselves.

We have these voices in our head which empower our judgment. "One more minute" "One more episode" "One more bite" "One more drink" "One more pill."

When is the one more enough?

When will we stop listening to the impulse in the back of our head and learn that enough is enough? If you want a change, you have to set out for change. Sitting in a room with toxic people and claiming "I'll give them one more chance" when they have not changed is not healthy… it is torture. How do we expect change when we keep going along with the cycle and not correcting what is going on? We can't keep sitting back and expecting the cycle to fix itself under this idea we have created that we want to change, but we want it our way. It doesn't work like that.

I am born a Taurus and I am as stubborn and hard-headed as they come. You tell me I can't and that is all the motivation I need to prove you wrong. I was head of my high school broadcast team and yearbook and made a career from it. I am currently working the role of an adult and I haven't even finished my growth sprout. I was a female wrestler, in MMA and Ju-Jitsu while I weigh no more than 101 lbs. I have national, state, and local awards which could fill a newspaper if I began to write them all out. My resume makes me look like the most polished and put together human on this planet. And what most people don't know… every one of those is driven by the words "you can't." It is funny because it strengthens me to prove people wrong. I do not break the law or challenge my safety. But I allow myself to know that I have control over my life and I can achieve the impossible. Success can only come from failure and it is weird to think about, but when you are willing to fail, you understand how rewarding success truly is.

There could be the number 6 written on the ground and two people standing on opposite ends reading it off. They can argue till the cows come home that it is a 6 or it is a 9, but the fact of the matter is that it is whatever you see when you are in the situation. No one else can see your life the way you see it so what is the sense in arguing if at the end of the day you are both right and both wrong. We argue because we want to feel superior when in reality we should learn to talk as equals and understand the other person's side of things.

I have been in a relationship for over a year in a half with a boy who has made me smile, laugh, cry, and can aggravate me faster than anyone. With that being said... he is a Leo… and I am a Taurus. We put the two most stubborn signs together and acted like it wouldn't cause conflict. Boy that was a mistake... We fight like cats and dogs, always trying to prove our rightness and find blame in the other partner.

The other night I said something to him and his response made me realize why I fell for him in the first place. I said we can't live fake happy lives and things have to get worse before they get good, that things will not get fixed if we don't figure it out right here, right now, and draw out a plan on how to move forward. He pulled over his rusted '97 Chevy S10, put it in park, and placed both my hands in his and giggled. Of course, that just aggravated me more and he sat silently while smiling, letting me throw a tantrum on how he didn't care about my feelings. Then when I finished, he placed my hands in his again and said, "I would rather have you like this every day than lose you all together and this will work."

I thought he was just high or insane or delusional and then he finished his statement. He said:

"We don't argue because we are mad, we argue because we see the real us and it is terrifying. We care too much about each other to not point out the flaws. We challenge each other to grow and understand ourselves better than ever before. We are in each other's lives for a reason and I trust in God enough to know he sent me this perfect girl and my job is to protect you and help you realize your worth. This is all a part of God's plan and I am no longer worried about what the future holds for me because I know he will protect you from harm. I know the good guy never wins, but the good man can take on whatever life throws at him and then some. The way you look at me tells me everything I need to hear it is the sole reason that I will never give up. You love me even when you hate me. You can decide to walk away or stand next to me and I will respect your decision and love you unconditionally as long as you know it is what you want. Don't let people pressure you anymore or tell you what you have to do. I took control of my life and I suffer any consequences because I know I am responsible for my own happiness. You are so strong, but it is okay to fall apart once in a while. I will change for the better, but if we are in this, we have to be in it holding hands as best friends, not throwing them as enemies."

Now how do I say anything to that…

He is exactly right. We can't solve things overnight, nor can we by finding ways to argue. People have triggers and oh boy my list is long and brutal. But when you think about it, there is no reason to be upset when you have control over your own being. There is no reason to cry over things you can't control. There is no reason to strain that beautiful voice that God gave you to prove a point which is seen so differently to each person.

Mechanics need each other for a system to function. We need those we surround ourselves with to learn to grow and find OUR function. Stop praying that you get what you want and pray for wisdom and guidance for what you need. Only then will you eliminate "those days" and learn to love life through the eyes of a child and spread positivity like an infection. We tend to grieve to our loved ones and don't really take a step back and realize what constant bickering turns us into. Yes, we want change to make us happy, but it won't change by dwelling on the negativity of the past. Time is the only cure and there is no point in wasting it when it is so limited. Love yourself, love those around you, and remember that God has a plan… just trust who you are and have faith that there is always a brighter tomorrow.

Cover Image Credit:

Nico Ray

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Meditation Is Not A Perfect Practice, But It's Still Worth Your Time

You'll thank me later.

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nczupek
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I began doing yoga a few years ago, and I instantly loved it. The combination of stretching, mental relaxation, and emotional release is amazing. It creates a sense of zen and peace in my life that I can use during the stress that comes from school, work, and everyday life. But the one part of yoga that I am not in love with is the meditation aspect.

I absolutely dread meditation. I do not know what it is, but I can never quite seem to get my mind to quiet down. No matter how hard I try, there is always a million thoughts running through my brain. "Did I finish that homework assignment?" "Am I breathing too loud? Can other people hear me?" I become so focused on other things happening around me that I just can't seem to calm down and relax.

But meditation is not about just clearing your mind and going completely blank. It is about focusing on a single thought, object, or intention and just allowing those emotions and feelings to overcome you. Focusing on one intention in your life allows you to become focused and re-centered. Meditation is not a set in stone practice, it is adaptable based on each person's needs.

There are seven general types of meditation: loving-kindness meditation, body scanning meditation, mindfulness meditation, breath awareness meditation, kundalini yoga, Zen meditation, and transcendentalism meditation. Each of these general types can be adapted to fit ones specific needs in that time. All seven of these meditations offer stress release options to help with daily stressors and inconveniences.

There is no perfect way to meditate. Meditation can also be as simple as just closing your eyes and simply breathing for a few seconds while focusing on one important thing in your life to help you remain grounded. There is no one set meditation type that works for all people. Some people enjoy all of the forms or even several of them, while others such as myself strictly enjoy the body scanning meditation.

The body scanning meditation focuses on scanning the body for areas of tension and to encourage the release of tension in that part of the body. Once the release occurs, the whole body can begin to relax even more. It usually starts by focusing on the toes and relaxing then moving up the legs, the torso the arms to the fingertips, and all the way through to the tip of the head.

My ideal meditation type is not for everyone. Playing around with the different types of meditations is the best way to find an ideal type of meditation that fits what the body needs. Unlike with most things, practice doesn't make perfect. Practicing the art of meditation just helps to refine the overall calm and zen that is felt.

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