I like change. I have a unique ability to adapt due to my experiences with moving and transitioning. I am good at balancing. Being part of Student Government Association, Kappa Delta Pi, Intercultural Club, having a social life, and completing all of my homework has undoubtedly prepared me to balance whatever is thrown my way.
So I was confused when I felt like I could not handle what was on my plate. The change was too much for me; I could not balance and prioritize. I was lost when I found myself crying on the phone to my family in the Marblehead common room, near the doorway.
I mean, I am a senior in college. Never had I cried at home before; I did not even shed a tear when my family first dropped me off during the fall of freshman year. I was just about as stunned as my mom when I paused to answer her question because I have a stupid inability to level my voice when I am about to cry and, instead, choke out words.
I am not one to sniffle over a small instance, but, rather, I am one to bawl over issues piled up like a mound of garbage at the dump…it explains why I teared up the other night. It dawned on me that summer was over, and it felt like I had just lived through winter. Relationship issues can cause a sweltering summer to feel like a chilling winter.
Now, stressors were being triggered, consistently. Grad school…home…boys…student teaching…making others happy…being a good mentor…having time for my friends…working out…all hit me like a freight train. How could I possibly balance all of this at once? I let it out and cried. But do you know what happened?
My family and friends gave me good advice: They reminded me of who I really am. I do not let minor issues get to me; I am not easily upset by small problems. I am the ultimate balancer. I have time for everything that I value. I love change and independence. I am happy with everything I am involved with.
And I learned something about humans: when we are at the point where we are bawling our eyes out, that is rock bottom. When the tears dry and the emotions are released, our lives appear to be easier than we once thought. Life can only go up from there.
