For those of you who may live under a rock, The Bachelor revolves around a single bachelor (deemed eligible, and damn are they eligible) who start with a pool of romantic interests (typically 25, beautiful, and mostly blonde) from whom the bachelor is expected to select a wife.
This year, we are on Season 20... and I am not ashamed to say this is the first season I have been watching religiously. Usually I only watch the last episodes; the meeting of the family, the romantic proposal, and of course my friends and I bet to see how long and if this couple will last.
By starting at the beginning of the show, I am ashamed of myself that I haven't taken the time to watch the full series. Only about 4 episodes in, and I am obsessed. (Not only because of Ben and his sexy self, but this one contestant who actually made me nearly choke laughing. Olivia.)
Olivia is gorgeous - all of these girls are. She is 23 and a News Anchor from Austin, Texas. She also is a psychotic yet incredibly entertaining... piece of work.
To put it bluntly... Olivia sucks, she is simply a horrible contestant. And yet, I want her to become the next Bachelorette for that exact reason. Until that day, here are just a few things I'd like to share...
1. Olivia-- Ben is NOT yours. You do not own him, and to quote Amanda Bynes in She's the Man, "He's not a piece of meat Olivia." There are 14 other girls dating him so you need to relax.
2. It's one thing to be confident, it's completely crazy to be over-confident... Continuously bragging and saying how much you and Ben were made for each other honestly makes me laugh. Until 2 minutes later you say it again and I hope someone just punches you in the face. #Sorrynotsorry.
3. Yeah, it might be "impressive" how you got the first impression rose... and you were doing pretty great while Lace was considered the crazy one, but then you had to open that big mouth of yours. Honestly, first impressions are overrated. One time I saw this slice of pizza... it had chicken, pesto, tomato, red onions. Then I had a bite, ugh I was in love. Then it settled in, my body got to know it, and I realized I had food poisoning. I then continued to die for the next 24 hours.
4. WTF was your talent? All I see is a giant cake and I think to myself, "Is she about to strip on national T.V.?" Honestly, you should have... it would have been a lot better than dancing around showing off your weird feet. Was that even a talent? I'm sorry, but this gets me heated. She should have just tried to stick her fists in her mouth. Even doing that would have made me feel more comfortable.
5. Another WTF moment was when you cried to Ben about your "cankles"... especially the timing. It was right after he told everyone he was upset because of two deaths. Who do you think you are? Why would you ever compare an insecurity about your legs to a death. It was this moment, I realized a loathed everything about this girl.
6. When you were almost sent home, I was not surprised in the slightest. I'm sorry to say, but he wasn't sending any signals along the lines of "Oh Olivia I'm just saving the best for last." That is not how it works. He was straight up saying "Get your shit together ASAP." Also, where is this "zen" you got with Ben?
8. "Can I steal you for a minute?" I never thought this phrase would send shivers up and down my spine. Yet somehow Olivia's overuse of it sends me into distress. You know nothing good is going to come out of their one on one "stolen moment" conversations. Oh and to add to this... please interrupt someone ONE MORE TIME.
9. Fact: Nope, you are not sexy. Yes, you are very awkward.
10. It's bittersweet how you are still on the show. I don't no how much longer I can take your shenanigans... then again, I don't know what I would do without them. In an ideal world, I hope you make it to the end, just so you can become the next Bachelorette and I can continue to laugh at you.
So really thank you Olivia, thank you.
