One of my favorite things about reality TV (besides the cheesy pick-up lines, senseless drama, and unrealistically picturesque living rooms) is that there’s always a villainous character to spice up every episode. The Bachelorette is no exception. And would it really be The Bachelorette if there wasn’t a super-douche to steal the show?
JoJo Fletcher just might be victim to the biggest antihero in Bachelorette history. He was ruggedly handsome, but he had a temper. He was honest, but he made us cringe. He was assertive, but he was a name-brand jackass. He was the guy we all loved to hate and hated to love. Bachelor nation, you know exactly who I’m talking about (and it’s not just because his name is in the headline).
But before you go around yelling out the C word in fit of rage and expressing your happiness now that he’s gone, let’s take a minute to remember just what 28-year-old Chad Johnson brought to JoJo’s season. ICYMI – for better or for worse – Chad is no longer one of JoJo’s eligible bachelors. Probably for better, but that doesn’t mean we won’t miss his unwarranted threats, protein shake analogies, and ferocious neck beard just a little bit. Of the things you’ll definitely miss about Chad Johnson, here are just a few…
He was basically a free personal trainer every Monday night.
Motivating AF. “I need to start buying protein powder and doing pull-ups with a small child attached my legs,” I say as I sit on my couch watching The Bachelorette in my pajamas, eating chocolate, drinking wine, and talking about how brutally single I am. Chad has enough muscle to make up for mine, right?
He was the life of the party.
I don’t know about you, but I love a guy who aggressively pounds down processed deli meats when he’s drunk. Faithful protein aggressor, meet complementary cold cuts.
His notorious one-liners.
Chad, on owing Evan a new shirt and an apology: “Okay, I’ll give you $20.
Chad, on dieting: “If you’re making a protein shake made of the group of dudes here, and blended it up, half that dude-protein-shake would have zero chance with JoJo.”
Chad, on wisdom: “Life isn’t all blueberries and paper airplanes.”
Chad, on parenting: “I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.”
Chad, on Evan: “Evan, stop talking.”
The dude bit straight into a raw sweet potato like it was an apple.
Ballsy.
He didn’t take anybody’s sh*t.
Chad might have been a grade A toolbag, but he knew what he wanted and he wasn’t about to let anybody get in his way. Coming from someone who will almost always say yes when I would much rather say no, I can appreciate someone who is as honest as Chad was, even if he did go a little too far.
He wasn’t afraid to stand up for his lady.
There’s no denying that if anyone tried to mess with Chad’s girl (JoJo or other), he would promptly open up a fresh can of whoopass and threaten to dismember them. And their families. And their pets. And anything else in this world that they love. But if nothing else, at least anyone who dates Chad from now on can be rest assured that he will always follow up after a first date. He might call you “naggy”, but if “When you go home you think I can't find you? You think I won't go out of my way to come to your house?” doesn’t say “I want to see you again” then I don’t know what does. #romance
No one creates drama quite like Chad.
Think about it for a sec – if it weren’t for Chad, this season of The Bachelorette would be pretty boring. Every week, we were so sick of watching “The Chad Show”, but at the same time, we just couldn’t wait to watch “The Chad Show”. Who’s he going to threaten? What’s he going to eat? Is he finally gonna punch someone? The closest thing the Bachelor Mansion had to a drama queen after Chad’s departure was Evan, but how much drama can you really expect from a 30-something erectile dysfunction specialist with a patchy mustache and frightening comb-over? Evan’s drama was a lot less pointed (no pun intended), and quite frankly it was no match for Chad’s testosterone-inflated ego. Not to mention Evan walked away sans rose last week anyway. Now we’re left with Alex (who just calls everyone else a “little b*tch”), Jordan (who is supposedly “in it for the fame”), and Derek (who arbitrarily became a victim of the drama – and we still haven’t figured out why). Sad face.
Most of us knew from day one that Chad wasn’t JoJo’s Mr. Right. Good thing we haven’t seen the last of the Chad Bear just yet. Looks like we’ll just have to await the season 3 premiere Bachelor in Paradise in August before we can make more Chad memes and tweet his one-liners. Worth the wait.
