Bachelor in Paradise... the show that is so absurd you can't help but spend time setting aside four hours a week to watch all the craziness unfold. I have way too much commentary running through my head as I cozy up on my couch with my comfy over sized pj's and sleepy time tea (I know that you're supposed to drink wine while watching the bachelor, but your girl's on a budget), so I decided to share them and see if the world has the same crazy judge-y statements about people that we've never even met before (hey, that is the glory of the bachelor... isn't it?).

First things first- let's talk about the opening credits. They last way too long and I admit it although it might have been funny the first time after watching it about twice a week it just makes me feel a little awkward and honestly makes me question why the hell I even spend my time watching the show. However corny the credits may be, I still find myself watching the show somewhat religiously, so I can't knock the them that much right? (wrong).

Now, let's talk about the people- (at least the OG people, what even are the names of the new guys anyway?)

Amanda- she's super cute, has awesome hair, and the obviously has the closet that all of us girls dream of having. I fell in love with her on Ben's season of The Bachelor, however, this season not so much. Yeah, she's seems like she's the sweetest mom and she's basically goals in every other category (hair, body, clothes...everything)- but who goes on a date with another guy after spending all her time with a different guy and doesn't say anything about it for weeks?? How has she managed to live in the same place as Nick and still not say anything to him about breaking off their relationship?? So I have to say I don't exactly like her as a person anymore but hey, I would love to know where she buys her clothes considering even her kids dress cuter than I do.

The Twin's- the poor poor twins who don't even get introduced by their name in the opening credits. I absolutely have no idea which one is which even though they announced that they supposedly look completely different and pulled the old switcharoo on a poor guy on the first date. I love watching them, but to be honest I don't see the twins staying much longer. Do they deserve to be in a relationship?-100%. Are they ready to be engaged at the end of the show?- I don't see that happening any time soon. I think maybe the thing holding me back the most is that I keep thinking about this past season of The Bachelorwhen Ben went to the twins hometown and both their bedrooms looked like mine did when I was about thirteen.

Daniel- oh Daniel. There's not too much to say about him because there's most definitely not too much going on in his head but hey, he is nice to look at. I'm sorry to say it, but this picture depicts Daniel perfectly. Pouring maple syrup down his chiseled body while strategically missing his mouth and sporting his Canada speedo. As the twins say, he seems like he's some type of alien just coming to visit planet Earth, but in his mind he's an eagle flying high above all of the rest of the "pigeons" that aren't good enough for him �in paradise.

Josh- the only known person to eat pizza everyday while he's in a Mexican paradise.Josh is super nice to look at, but I solely need him off the show so I don't have to listen to him moaning anymore. Who moans that much when they're kissing in public anyway!? It's not even a sexy moan, it's like the moan that people make after they take their first bite into their favorite burger that they haven't had in so long. I also haven't seen him and Amanda actually have a conversation since their first date. I hate to say it, but if those two end up together they're actually going to have to uphold a conversation in front of the kids instead of him sticking his tongue down their moms throat- do they realize that?

Nick- the poor guy whose just really been sitting on the sidelines since Josh came in and stole his girl (story of his life). I used to hate him in previous episodes of The Bachelorette, but here he just seems like a normal guy with common sense who just hasn't been lucky. I'm SO happy that Jennifer came along and fingers crossed things actually work out for him this time.

Evan- the erectile dysfunction specialist. He's the one that you can't stop watching on TV and saying "oh honey" while shaking your head. I almost can't bring myself to watch most of the time. The thing is, as awkward as Evan may be it seems as though he's one of the nicest guys that one would ever meet and most definitely wears his heart on his sleeve...can you blame him?

Carly- the girl that mostly everybody can relate to since she's the most normal one by a landslide. I absolutely love everything about her to be honest. At first people may not have liked her for not liking Evan, but can you blame her? Did you see their first date? And their first kiss? And their first everything? Evan basically had their first born's name picked out after the first time he talked to her. But- she realized that obviously Evan means well and he's super cute so I hope everything works out for the best for them.

Izzy- the girl who is clearly blind considering she can't see what she has right in front of her. In the beginning of the season she went straight after Vinny who is the most normal and cute guy in paradise and their relationship has basically blossomed ever since... Vinny even said there was a possibility of MARRIAGE there. And what does Izzy do? See a guy who walks in that she's slightly attracted to and decides to leave it all behind. She decides to go over and talk to this new guy right in front of Vinny might I add and completely destroy her relationship that America fell in love with. She's clearly crazy because Vinny is perfect and she knows nothing about this new guy who walks in... what if he has some super gross habit like doesn't brush his teeth? or what if he is still crazy obsessed with his ex? (like somebody else we know.. but we'll talk about that later). She has no idea but is willing to give up Vinny anyways...unbelievable.

Vinny-

Dear Vinny,

You're super cute and deserve better than Izzy.

XoXo,

Every girl in America

Jared- the guy whose not even ex girlfriend followed him into Mexico in hopes of winning over his heart....can you even imagine? This poor guy just wants to find love, however he has super storm Ashley following him wherever he goes. All I can say is here's to you bud, because you're keeping it together way better than a lot of other guys out there would be. I just hope that maybe him and Caila work out for the best even though she's constantly confusing both Jared and most of America... so good luck!!

Ashley I- you need to go home honey. You're showing America how crazy you are at this point and sweetie, it's not a good look on you.

Lace- the girl who we can all admit thought that she was going to be an absolute train wreck during this show: and in the first episode, she was. Of course, Hurricane Chad didn't help her case at all. However, Lace quickly came back down to Earth and coupled with her firefighter Grant. The two are surprisingly the strongest couple on the show as of right now and Lace has seemed to flip the switch for the better. Maybe the first episode was the "old Lace??" I'm not quite sure, but I'm definitely liking this Lace way better.

Grant- there's not much to say about Grant. He's super cute and obviously had the courage to take on the person that is Lace (which is saying a lot). Here's to hoping that she stays the way she is and their relationship works out for the better.

Well Bachelor in Paradise, thanks for letting me peak in on and completely judge people's dating lives that I've never even met. See you on my couch next week with over sized pj's and sleepy time tea! (maybe I'll even spring for some wine next time).